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Viz Letters [WARNING: A tad rude]

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Jakamoko, Feb 9, 2006.

  1. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    Thanks to Sandy for this one.

    Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British.
    Ben Hunt

    The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up.

    'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
    Colin Hill

    I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery.
    L Palmer, London

    The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
    P Boddington, Ringway

    Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
    P, Leeds

    On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied '<unt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately! Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family?
    Noel, Leeds

    My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this?
    Alun Daniel

    I'll never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.
    Alan Thakray

    Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

    On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road
    Alan J., London

    Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars.
    T Barnham, London

    Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa.
    Les, Barnsley

    Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
    Mike Woods, e-mail

    Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.
    Chris Scaife, Jesmond

    I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far?
    Dave Owen, Edinburgh

    I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths.

    I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.

    What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.
    Thomas J_

    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  2. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster



    C*** and m**** in a single post!

    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  3. simongrahamuk
    Honorary Member

    simongrahamuk Hmmmmmmm?

    Thanks Gav,

    Consider it stolen! :biggrin
  4. punkboy101
    Honorary Member

    punkboy101 Back from the wilderness

    Thanks for that gav :D
    Certifications: CCNA
    WIP: Nada
  5. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    Thanks for the laugh mate. :thumbleft
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  6. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    lol - Adminfuscator priviledges, Jonny (and you can't say I didn't include a warning :wink: )

    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  7. Gaz 45

    Gaz 45 Kilobyte Poster

    I nearly choked on my cuppa reading some of those. Damn funny!
    Cheers Trip. :D
    Certifications: MCP (70-229, 70-228), MBioch
    WIP: MCDBA (70-290)

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