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tis a guddun

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by cazzam35, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    Questions




    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

    Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

    What is the speed of darkness?

    If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

    If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

    Can you cry under water?

    What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?


    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
    to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to see you naked anyway.

    Mod Edit (AJ): Thread edited so not to cause offence
     
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
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  2. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Those are fabulous, Callum - well done mate. Loved it !!! :clap


    :biggrin
     
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  3. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    Makes you think.[​IMG]

    Shouldn't that read "lithp"?
     
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  4. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

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    ROTFL great ones Callum :biggrin
     
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  5. fgaughan

    fgaughan Bit Poster

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    Normal? whats makes able bodies people normal?
    people with a disabilities are classed not normal? :ohmy

    Deaf people have trouble with court cases
    for example who is lying? the interpretor or the deaf person?
    also Deaf people not allowed to sit at jury services :blink

    Fintan

    P.S i am not narked at this but you "normal" people might be interested in a not "normal" point of view :eek:
     
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  6. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Hi Fintan,

    As you may have noticed in a post I made elsewhere recently, I share your view on discrimination against disabilities. As Admin, I take responsibility for not picking up on that part of the above post, as I had clearly read it prior to responding.

    On behalf of the site, let me apologise for any offense caused. I have ensured the original post is edited.

    Also, can I ask once again that EVERYONE reads and understands the Announcement at the top of this Forum HERE regarding thought before posting.


    Thanks :)
     
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  7. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    Private mail sent as apology:

    Mail content;

    I read your reply to my post, and firstly wish to say
    if it did offend you in any way- wasn't meant too.

    but I also wish to add that the "joke" which is what it
    was, had previously been forwarded to me by a very
    good friend, who having battled with cancer over the
    past three years has been left partially sighted and
    almost deaf,

    and too date has achieved more than I
    ever will, even with having all my faculties.....

    One of his main views in life are that you take what
    you have and make the best of it, and in doing so
    be happy with what you have, and I do know from
    experience that he gets really offended by people
    opening doors for him, trying to sign to him, or going
    out of there way to help him.

    Being a friend to someone so positive with life and seeing
    the day to day troubles he has from so called
    "able-bodied" people trying to look out for them, classing
    them in less to do formats, really annoys me when "normal" people try looking out for them.

    Please I am in no way trying to say they aren't normal,
    having worked with them for years, they are more normal
    than any of us. they have a better way of thinking, they're 100% stronger than me, and have a better outlook on life.

    Why, because they've usually had to fight for everything
    for everything they have - bloody hard....

    I have no problem you copying and posting this private mail within the thread, but please accept a very deep
    sorry to you if I offended you in any way shape or form.

    This was not the intention, and if read properly was a
    light-hearted look at how we percieve things-thats all

    Best wishes Callum
     
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  8. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    Sorry to the site, I should have checked the wording properly
    and edited it myself before posting.

    Sorry for any offence caused by my actions.
     
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  9. fgaughan

    fgaughan Bit Poster

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    Yes i have read that post about you share my view on discrimination :)

    I am not offended takes a lot more to be offended and postings like these are not on my offended list

    My big gripe is in work places and i can think of worse cases but i wont bother telling you all on here as i don't want to moan to much :dry

    anway i will be still here on these forums :D

    Fintan
     
    WIP: CCNA
  10. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Thanks for your response, Fintan :D
     
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  11. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    Hi Fintan

    As an employer myself as well as an employee, I'm inclined to
    agree with you on that point.

    I try to take people at face value regardless of anything else,
    I just wish a lot of others would do the same.

    Sorry if that post hit a raw note, it was not intended for that
    purpose, Just happy you'll be sticking around, and hopefully
    for a long time...... cheers Callum
     
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  12. fgaughan

    fgaughan Bit Poster

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    Don't worry callum i am not offended
    i have seen email jokes like these but the word normal keeps cropping up
    which makes me question people sorry cant help that one
    but you know as well as i do that people with disabilties take the piss out of our selves as well as take the piss out of able people
    there is a name for non disablities but i can't think right now

    anyway thank for the private email :D

    Fintan
     
    WIP: CCNA
  13. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    I know where your coming from there bud, my mate has me
    in stitches at times, taking the p**s out of me, I keep on
    telling him i'm going to poke him one in his good eye one day
    then laugh at him walking into stuff.

    mmm, one DAY!!! LOL :twisted:

    BEST WISHES BUD.
     
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