The difference between Men & Women

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Gaz 45, Nov 21, 2004.

  1. Gaz 45

    Gaz 45 Kilobyte Poster

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    Have a read, if you will...


    Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

    In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

    Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

    The following was actually turned in by two of my English students,

    Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

    At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But, before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalising the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel" Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporised poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Yeah? Well, you're a self-centred tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Asshole.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Bitch.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    winker.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Slut.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Get ****ed.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Eat shite.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    **** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Go drink some tea - whore...
     
    Certifications: MCP (70-229, 70-228), MBioch
    WIP: MCDBA (70-290)
  2. SimonV
    Honorary Member

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Gold Member

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    ROTFLMAO - Nice one
     
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  3. Luton Bee

    Luton Bee Kilobyte Poster

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    Coming soon to an episode of Jerry Springer near you.....[​IMG]
     
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  4. AJ

    AJ 01000001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01101110 Administrator

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    ROTFLMAO [​IMG]
     
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  5. ScoobyDoo

    ScoobyDoo Byte Poster

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    Brilliant. I really did LOL.
     
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  6. Fergal1982

    Fergal1982 Petabyte Poster

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    would've been better if the last paragraphs were something along the lines of

    "wanna go out for dinner?"

    "ok"

    or something a bit more crude, but i cant print that!

    Fergal
     
    Certifications: ITIL Foundation; MCTS: Visual Studio Team Foundation Server 2010, Administration
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  7. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    ROTFLMAO [​IMG]

    Top laugh Gaz.:thumbleft
     
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  8. Gaz 45

    Gaz 45 Kilobyte Poster

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    Thanks all. I do like that one!
    I've a couple others that I'll lob on this board sometime in the future, one of them's about 4 pages long, but highly funny
     
    Certifications: MCP (70-229, 70-228), MBioch
    WIP: MCDBA (70-290)

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