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The Darwin Awards 2004

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Jakamoko, Oct 23, 2004.

  1. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    Thanks to Sandy for sending me this - worth sharing with you all [​IMG]


    Here it is... the annual top 7 Darwin awards. Yes
    these are all true.

    They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given

    to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year in reverse order are:

    7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
    getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
    down killing both him and his sister.

    6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt,
    white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter.
    The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very hard.

    5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they
    decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

    4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle.
    Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around
    one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. He added that the apparent cause of death was
    "Major trauma."

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate,
    was hospitalized.

    2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing allpotential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
    retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
    exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
    The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.


    1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
    Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum
    in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
    ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
    testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
    Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball
    washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new
    $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
    This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his
    qualifying act of stupidity, he has achieved the requirement of removing his genes from the gene pool - demonstrating the effect of natural selection - so we have allowed it.

    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  2. flex22

    flex22 Gigabyte Poster

    OMFG:!::!::!: don't do that to me I'm having an asthma attck and I don't even have asthma.
    LMAO:!: :bigcry (tears of laughter) :brancard
  3. Phoenix
    Honorary Member

    Phoenix 53656e696f7220 4d6f64

    the darwin awards alwasy brighten up the day :)

    bloody class :)
    if only we had more winners to more hastily cleanse the gene pool :)
    Certifications: MCSE, MCITP, VCP
    WIP: > 0
  4. punkboy101
    Honorary Member

    punkboy101 Back from the wilderness

    LOL, that was great:!: Altho I'm ashamed to see a canadian came 7. tut tut:rolleyes: lol
    Certifications: CCNA
    WIP: Nada
  5. flex22

    flex22 Gigabyte Poster

    Nevermind mate, you might make the top 3 next time, you never know
    :p :lolbang
  6. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    ROTFLMAO :biggrin Priceless :biggrin
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  7. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    What a laugh. Brightens up my day no end.[​IMG]
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685

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