1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Beer Scooter

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Phil, Dec 3, 2004.

  1. Phil
    Honorary Member

    Phil Gigabyte Poster

    1,680
    7
    87
    How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
    drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try,
    you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your
    house.


    The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter. The Beer
    Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk
    by Bacchus the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of
    these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:


    The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
    gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
    sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down winged Beer
    Scooter.


    The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom
    via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large
    portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.


    This answers the second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so
    much money?'

    Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
    to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
    Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your
    head.


    An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time
    segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals
    dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.


    This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell
    happened?'

    With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
    Embarrassing Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in
    descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one
    person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite
    often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.



    Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
    Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to
    the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.



    For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked
    from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
    these boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
    tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special
    anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house
    and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
    bruised shins.



    The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the
    TA (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
    apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.



    P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably
    get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.

     
    Certifications: MCSE:M & S MCSA:M CCNA CNA
    WIP: 2003 Upgrade, CCNA Upgrade
  2. Rosy
    Honorary Member

    Rosy Megabyte Poster

    665
    1
    54
    Very enlightening Phil! Of course, I NEVER suffer from any of the above :angel
     
    Certifications: MOS Master Instructor
  3. Phil
    Honorary Member

    Phil Gigabyte Poster

    1,680
    7
    87
    Really!!!? I have to admit Bacchus has come to my aid occasionaly :)
     
    Certifications: MCSE:M & S MCSA:M CCNA CNA
    WIP: 2003 Upgrade, CCNA Upgrade
  4. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    9,915
    60
    229
    Brilliant, Phil - even when the science is explained, the mystery is still amazing ...:biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  5. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    6,771
    102
    221
    So you've all met my good friend Bacchus. Top man :blink


    Great one Phil :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  6. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    7,796
    71
    224
    Bacchus is the man alright.:D
     
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  7. punkboy101
    Honorary Member

    punkboy101 Back from the wilderness

    942
    2
    62
    One of the greatest mysteries in my life solved, thanks phil! :D :thumbleft Tops mate
     
    Certifications: CCNA
    WIP: Nada
  8. Phoenix
    Honorary Member

    Phoenix 53656e696f7220 4d6f64

    5,726
    175
    221
    right now i know what name to put on the damn will!
    top man Bacchus
     
    Certifications: MCSE, MCITP, VCP
    WIP: > 0
  9. syntax_error

    syntax_error Bit Poster

    37
    0
    21
    Nice one phil, I got one of those scooters for my birthday 8)
     
    Certifications: mcp server2k
    WIP: Network Infrastructure
  10. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    7,796
    71
    224
    I've just been for a birthday trip to France and it seems that Bacchus is branching out. I stepped out of the bus and the first thing I swa was a pub called 'Le Bacchus'.:alc

    It seems he wants to corner the market from start to finish.:thumbleft
     
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  11. Phoenix
    Honorary Member

    Phoenix 53656e696f7220 4d6f64

    5,726
    175
    221
    have a birthday trip to england ya aussie git and we can have a CF boozah!
    lol
     
    Certifications: MCSE, MCITP, VCP
    WIP: > 0
  12. Phil
    Honorary Member

    Phil Gigabyte Poster

    1,680
    7
    87
    now that would be one hell of a beer scooter, get drunk in London, wake up at home in Switzerland :)
     
    Certifications: MCSE:M & S MCSA:M CCNA CNA
    WIP: 2003 Upgrade, CCNA Upgrade

Share This Page

Loading...