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Spam Joke of the Day - PT 2 - Claims

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by kevicho, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. kevicho

    kevicho Gigabyte Poster

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    Part of my job is to monitor emails which may have mistakenly ended up in the spam filter (I have to do this as im the only one in IT lol), anyways this email found its way into the filter today, probably urban myths but still funny.

    THE YANKS GET ALL UPSET WHEN SOMEONE STATES HOW THICK THEY REALLY ARE, WELL READ AND LAUGH AT THESE:

    The Stella Awards, named after Stella Leibeck who suffered third degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonalds coffee on herself. She was driving at the time. Celebrate, if you will, America's most frivolous lawsuits:

    1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury after breaking her ankle falling over a child who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were surprised by the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little bastard was Mrs Robertson's son.

    2. 19 year old Carl Truman of LA won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand in a Honda Accord. Mr.Truman hadn't noticed that there was anyone at the wheel of the vehicle before trying to steal the hub-caps.

    3. Terrence Dickinson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he has just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was unable to open the garage door from inside, and the door back into the house had locked shut behind him. The house owners were on vacation. Mr Dickinson found himself locked in the garage for eight days with just two bottles of Pepsi and a bag of dog biscuits to live on. He sued the homeowner, and received half a million dollars for undue mental anguish.

    4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by a beagle. The beagle was chained up in it's owners yard. The award was a little less than first thought, given that the jury agreed that Mr Williams had provoked the dog by shooting it repeatedly with an air gun.

    5. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster $113,000 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was only on the floor because Ms Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

    6. Kara Walton of Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club after she fell from the bathroom window and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak out and avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

    And the winner is:

    Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. Upon leaving the dealership, he pulled onto the freeway, set the cruise control at 70mph and calmly made his way into the back to make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the vehicle left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 and a new Winnie. Winnebago actually changed their handbooks in case another complete moron decided to buy one of their vehicles.
     
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  2. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Stupidity knows no geographical boundaries. We've got our share, just like you do. :biggrin
     
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  3. hbroomhall

    hbroomhall Petabyte Poster Gold Member

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    Most of ours seem to be employed by local councils, or the police.....

    Harry.
     
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  4. Crito

    Crito Banned

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    Yet, despite losing two million, McDonalds still serves me a cup of molten lava every morning. Takes 20 minutes to drive to work and 30 minutes for my coffee to cool down.

    If you ask me Stella should have gotten four million. That'll teach 'em corpirations. :p
     
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  5. jayford

    jayford Bit Poster

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    Actually the real stupidity is in awarding these moronsanything other than a good slap

    As Bostonmichaelappropriately? stated, stupidity knows no boundrys ( or something to that effect) but what really gets my goat is the american legal system that repeatedly rewards such acts of reprehensible absence of basic common sense :x:x:

    I think if I lived in america, things like this are what would drive me to take up arms and camp out on the grassy knoll of the court house or in the belfry tower.......yes I am p*ss*d of at these people

    nb I know those storys where meant to bring smiles to our faces, but the fact that the numptys got paid for their own :microwave really gets my goat :cussing:cussing:cussing
     
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  6. Naive

    Naive Byte Poster

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    It would be safe to assume that you are annoyed jay lol
     
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  7. wizard

    wizard Petabyte Poster

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    I think someone really needs to take a look at the judge in each of the cases and ask them what was going through their minds when giving those verdicts, or did they feel sorry for them and awarded them for their own stupidity?
     
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  8. dales

    dales Gigabyte Poster

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    Errr, hope you not counting me in that I've worked for the police for many years and now work for my local council.
     
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  9. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Well, it DID take you 20 days to reply... :p

    kidding! kidding!!! couldn't resist!!! :D
     
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  10. dales

    dales Gigabyte Poster

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    Well perhaps im busy!!!........or maybe just asleep at my desk
     
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  11. hbroomhall

    hbroomhall Petabyte Poster Gold Member

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    I didn't say they were the *only* people to be employed by such bodies! :p

    There must be *some* intelligent people there or nothing would ever get done....

    Harry.
     
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  12. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    At least McDonald's puts a warning on the lid telling people not to do what Stella had done. This is probably why there are warning labels on electric hair dryers saying not to use them in a wet bath or shower, particularly when plugged in. :rolleyes:

    I agree, all of these legal decisions are amazingly stupid. If no other country's legal decision are as dumb as ours, I guess the American courts have gone haywire. :wink:
     
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  13. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    With all the stupidity around you, no wonder you're busy! :twisted:

    again, kidding! :D
     
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  14. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Actually, the one about the woman in Oklahoma who those putting her RV on cruise control meant it was on automatic pilot would be incredibly funny if it wasn't also incredibly dangerous. Now's the time for Pheo's idea about cars that drive themselves to be implemented. :wink:
     
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  15. dales

    dales Gigabyte Poster

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    Trouble is your not wrong!:rolleyes:
     
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  16. Cockles

    Cockles Megabyte Poster

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    I love the fact that a packet of dry roasted peanuts has a label warning 'This product may contain nuts'
     
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  17. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

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    Well after reading that im gobsmcaked.

    Doesnt part of being a judge include havin basic common sense or am i expecting too much.

    Another thing i hate about dodgy claims is people who trip over a kerb and sue, just because they were to stupid to look were they were going. Everythime i have tripped up or even walked into a lampost, my gut reaction is to laugh and look to see if anyone seen me make a knob of myself.

    Ed
     
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  18. wizard

    wizard Petabyte Poster

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    I've tripped over loads of kerbs and looked like a fool :D
     
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  19. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

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    The best one i ever did was walk into a lampost while my mouth was dropping to the floor as some beautiful girl went by, and she even seen me do it, argh

    Ed
     
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  20. wizard

    wizard Petabyte Poster

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    Ouch doubly painful :D
     
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