1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Salford curry contest

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Raffaz, Jul 1, 2007.

  1. Raffaz

    Raffaz Kebab Lover Gold Member

    2,976
    56
    184
    Salford CURRY CONTEST

    If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no
    Hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly.
    For those of you who have lived in salford , you know how typical this is.
    They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
    It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the albert park Show in salford.
    Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting
    From America.

    Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
    Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment
    and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
    directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by
    the other two judges (oldham Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and,
    besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
    tasting, so I accepted".

    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

    CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge # 2-- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
    Judge # 3(Frank) -- Holy , what the hell is this stuff? You could
    remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
    flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

    CHILI #2 - PHOENIXBBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
    Judge # 1-- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang.
    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
    Judge # 3-- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
    I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
    Wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer
    When they saw the look on my face.

    CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
    Judge # 1-- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
    Judge # 2-- A bit salty, good use of chili peppers.
    Judge # 3-- Call 999. I've located a uraniums pill. My nose feels like
    I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now.
    Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone
    is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.

    CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
    Judge # 1-- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
    Judge # 2-- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
    other mild foods, not much of a curry.
    Judge # 3-- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
    to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the
    beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is
    starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

    CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
    Judge # 1-- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
    considerable kick. Very impressive.
    Judge # 2-- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the
    chili peppers make a strong statement.
    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no
    longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The
    contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.
    Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.
    I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really me off that the other judges
    asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

    CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
    Judge # 1-- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
    Judge # 2-- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
    Judge # 3-- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
    sulfuric flames. I am definitely going to myself if I fart and I'm
    worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
    behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
    wipe my ass with a snow cone ice-cream.

    CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
    Judge # 1-- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned
    peppers.
    Judge # 2-- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
    can of chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this
    stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit
    of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
    Judge # 3-- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
    wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
    like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
    slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
    shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
    decided to stop breathing- it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
    any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
    hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
    Judge # 1-- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold
    but spicy enough to declare its existence.
    Judge # 2-- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild
    nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
    passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
    Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have
    reacted to really hot curry?
    Judge # 3 - No Report. Deja vu
     
    Certifications: A+, MCP, MCDST, AutoCAD
    WIP: Rennovating my house
  2. Tinus1959

    Tinus1959 Gigabyte Poster

    1,539
    42
    106
    Tears in my eyes... from laughing.
     
    Certifications: See my signature
    WIP: MCSD, MCAD, CCNA, CCNP
  3. VantageIsle

    VantageIsle Kilobyte Poster

    446
    8
    49
    Funny as Funk!
     
    Certifications: A+, ITIL V3, MCSA, MCITP:EST, CCENT, 70-432-SQL, 70-401 SCCM
    WIP: MCSA upgrade MCITP:SA then EA

Share This Page

Loading...