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Quantas fault reports!

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by twizzle, Jan 22, 2007.

  1. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

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    OK some of you have probably seen this before but hey here it is again! (best thing is, after working in the Aviation ind for a while i know how true to life some of these reports can be!!)

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"

    which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems & document their repairs on the form, and

    then

    pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.



    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots

    (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

    engineers.


    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.


    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.


    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

    descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.


    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.


    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what they're for.


    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.


    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.


    And the best one for last...


    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

    pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget
     
    Certifications: Comptia A+, N+, MS 70-271, 70-272
    WIP: Being a BILB,
  2. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    I still laugh at that one every time I read it. Thanks for posting it again, Twizz :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  3. supag33k

    supag33k Kilobyte Poster

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    Yes - certainly "oldie but goodies" about our national carrier...
     
    Certifications: MCSE (NT4/2000/2003/Messaging), MCDBA
    WIP: CCNA, MCTS SQL, Exchange & Security stuff
  4. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    And every one of them is true. Honest!:eek:
     
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685

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