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Online Too Long - Warning it's a long read

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by AJ, May 11, 2004.

  1. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    70 Ways To Tell You've Been Online Too Long

    1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

    2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".

    3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

    4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to
    your significant other.

    5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

    6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

    7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-

    8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

    9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone
    know you're going to be away.

    10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.

    11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or
    complete sentences.

    12. You have met over 100 AOLers.

    13. You begin to say "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

    14. When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"

    15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
    night when your spouse is asleep.

    16. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won't know
    you're on-line again.

    17. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do
    your own spouses.

    18. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they
    complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.

    19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to
    your own.

    20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from
    partying too much than the truth (online all night).

    21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your
    own profile to see who you are.

    22. Your kids are standing at your side saying, "Mommy, please come and
    cook" dinner and you would rather type another "LOL".

    23. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at
    the same time.

    24. You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved.

    25. Your dog leaves you.

    26. You have to ask what year it is.

    27. You write a letter like this.. "dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well I gotta
    go bbl!"

    28. You name your pets after people you talk to.

    29. You smile sideways...

    30. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on
    their buddy list.

    31. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore
    button handy.

    32. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.

    33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you're chatting & you
    think "uh oh cyber sex perv".

    34. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more
    than a few hours.

    35. You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one he he he).

    36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

    37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

    38. Your worse comeback to a bully is "I'll slap ya w/a rubber chicken!"

    39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online
    before you have your first cup of coffee.

    40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

    41. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL's welcome

    42. You don't know where the time has gone.

    43. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by

    44. You get up at 2am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer

    45. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

    46. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/((hugs)) or **kisses**.

    47. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and

    48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n &
    I will TTYL".

    49. You type faster than you think.

    50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing
    therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.

    51. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.

    52. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.

    53. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up
    your TV screen at the end of a movie.

    54. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes &
    fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"

    55. You dream in "text".

    56. Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR" insult.

    57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you're really

    58. You don't want to leave in case you miss something.

    59. You double click your TV remote.

    60. You can now type over 70wpm.

    61. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.

    62. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else &
    say "BRB" or "BBL".

    63. You check your Email and forget you have real mail aka snail mail.

    64. You go into withdrawals during dinner.

    65. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to
    everyone in a room.

    66. You stop speaking in full sentences.

    67. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended
    up "giving" tech support to other AOLers.

    68. You have to be pried from your computer by the "Jaws of Life".

    69. You know what a "snert" is.

    70. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted
    to check your mail" & while there you "just wanted to see who was
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  2. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    Ya know...some of those are true. BTW, what's a "snert"?
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  3. SimonV

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Administrator

    Certifications: MOS Master 2003, CompTIA A+, MCSA:M, MCSE
    WIP: Keeping CF Alive...
  4. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    Oh yeah. I know some of those. :wink:
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  5. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    S'ok Trip I didn't know that one either (and yes working in a school I know a few of them as well :x ).
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  6. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    This one is sadly true. E-mail, chat, and boards have just about killed the English language (U.S. and U.K. varieties both) among young people.
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  7. Phoenix
    Honorary Member

    Phoenix 53656e696f7220 4d6f64

    i think i failed my english GCSE for putting too many smileys in it
    and i dont think the english teacher was too fond of the abbreviations and blatant misuse of accronyms :)

    lol its funny, half that list seem about true for me
    (been online 13 years, since the old BBS and cradle modem days)
    Certifications: MCSE, MCITP, VCP
    WIP: > 0
  8. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    Good laugh AJ, thanks. [​IMG]

    Boy was I surprised to find that I have my own net label "snert". I feel much happier now I know this.

    I liked #14 and 40 and I already do #55.
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  9. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    Would that also include chatting and emailing the person sitting next to you :?:
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  10. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    Absolutly Nugget. My boss sits opposite me and forwards voice mail messages to me, and then wonders when I ask him what's that all about. :eek:
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  11. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    That's half our working day around our desk :onthePC
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity

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