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Men's Rule's

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by cazzam35, Feb 5, 2005.

  1. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

    Subject: MEN'S RULES

    I am sure none of this will come as a surprise

    01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at
    the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it
    is permissible

    02: It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
    a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    c. After wrecking your boss' car
    d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    e. When she is using her teeth.

    03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
    and eaten by his mates.

    04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
    out of jail within 12 hours.

    05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    limits forever - unless you actually marry her.

    06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
    forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
    another man In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

    08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
    the weakest.

    09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you
    may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're
    sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
    supermodel... and it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
    to kick another bloke in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
    spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (i.e. can explain offside or
    LBW) and the ability to drink as much as all the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
    remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
    about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours,
    except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
    a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
    i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
    an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
    than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
    if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
    have had drunken s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
    reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about
    what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
    for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
    green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
    Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
    Gymnastics. Ever.

    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY
  2. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster


    A few small changes, tho:

    On number 26, add tourquise to the list

    On number 28...watching ice skating is permissible if it's women's ice skating. Some of those leg splits are just as enticing as watching women's gymnastics.

    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  3. punkboy101
    Honorary Member

    punkboy101 Back from the wilderness

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![​IMG] Thanks for that, Brilliant!!

    I'm seing a completly different side of you these past few days trip, first pr0n, now this. lol keep up the good work. [​IMG]
    Certifications: CCNA
    WIP: Nada
  4. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    Brilliant m8 :thumbleft :biggrin
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  5. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    Brilliant Callum pure class [​IMG]
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  6. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    I like your style. :thumbleft
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  7. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    I didn't say I was *always* a Boy Scout. :P
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  8. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    You mean you let your woggle slip then, Trip ? :hhhmmm
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  9. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    My what? :blink
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  10. Phoenix
    Honorary Member

    Phoenix 53656e696f7220 4d6f64

    damn american scounts dont have woggles? im sure they did when i saw a bunch when i was on an expedition in canada lol
    Certifications: MCSE, MCITP, VCP
    WIP: > 0
  11. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    Your WOGGLE Trip - oooh, it's an ongoing task, this "Enlighten Americans" project :blink

    lol - just kidding Trip :oops:
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  12. Phil
    Honorary Member

    Phil Gigabyte Poster

    Excellent stuff callum :thumbleft

    My brothers girlfriend is from Virginia and she's been saying she's going to write an American to English dictionary :)
    Certifications: MCSE:M & S MCSA:M CCNA CNA
    WIP: 2003 Upgrade, CCNA Upgrade
  13. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    No worries. I've just never heard the term before. Actually for the record, I never was a Boy Scout. :oops:
    Certifications: A+ and Network+

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