1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Joke for the day.

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by GiddyG, Sep 16, 2008.

  1. GiddyG

    GiddyG Terabyte Poster Gold Member

    2,471
    42
    140
    A bloke goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

    She says hello.

    He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' to which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Erm, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

    She looks into his eyes and says calmly 'No, I'm your son's teacher'.
     
  2. AArcher

    AArcher Nibble Poster

    75
    1
    22
    excellent
     
    Certifications: None
    WIP: CompTIA 2006 A+
  3. Qs

    Qs Semi-Honorary Member Gold Member

    3,081
    70
    171
    They get worse and worse :p

    Still, I laughed. :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCSE: Private Cloud, MCSA (2008), MCITP: EA, MCITP: SA, MCSE: 2003, MCSA: 2003, MCITP: EDA7, MCITP: EDST7, MCITP: EST Vista, MCTS: Exh 2010, MCTS:ServerVirt, MCTS: SCCM07 & SCCM2012, MCTS: SCOM07, MCTS: Win7Conf, MCTS: VistaConf, MCDST, MCP, MBCS, HND: Applied IT, ITIL v3: Foundation, CCA
  4. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

    19,136
    462
    374
    hah!!!!! :biggrin
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  5. natkay2603

    natkay2603 Bit Poster

    40
    0
    2
    lol. :biggrin
     
  6. nellyp123

    nellyp123 Byte Poster

    213
    13
    0
    "

    One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

    His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs £10."

    Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the £10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

    Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a poo sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

    He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the £10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

    Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls, they aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop w***ing, your tennis elbow will never get better!!.

    "
     
    Certifications: CIW Professional
  7. natkay2603

    natkay2603 Bit Poster

    40
    0
    2
    this is a great one.
     
  8. nellyp123

    nellyp123 Byte Poster

    213
    13
    0
    I had a strange dream the other day? I was standing in st Pauls Cathedral and surrounding me was billions of clocks! I said to st paul " st Paul, what are all these clocks doing here?'
    "well" he said "Everyone of these clocks represents every mans life"

    "Oh" i said "Well how come every now and again, some of them skip a couple of seconds, whats all that about?"
    i said.

    "Well" st paul said....."every time someone plays with themselves...you know?...masturbate, they loose a couple of seconds of their life. So the clocks jumps a few seconds"

    "Oh" i said. " How come a can't see BosonMichaels one anywhere?"

    "Na ya wont do" he said " We keep that in the Kitchen as a FAN!"
     
    Certifications: CIW Professional
  9. kevicho

    kevicho Gigabyte Poster

    1,219
    58
    116
    How rude lol

    (Will have to remember that one)
     
    Certifications: A+, Net+, MCSA Server 2003, 2008, Windows XP & 7 , ITIL V3 Foundation
    WIP: CCNA Renewal
  10. Qs

    Qs Semi-Honorary Member Gold Member

    3,081
    70
    171
    Once BM sees this you're so uh... yeah.

    Well good luck nellyp! Nice knowing ya matey.

    Qs
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCSE: Private Cloud, MCSA (2008), MCITP: EA, MCITP: SA, MCSE: 2003, MCSA: 2003, MCITP: EDA7, MCITP: EDST7, MCITP: EST Vista, MCTS: Exh 2010, MCTS:ServerVirt, MCTS: SCCM07 & SCCM2012, MCTS: SCOM07, MCTS: Win7Conf, MCTS: VistaConf, MCDST, MCP, MBCS, HND: Applied IT, ITIL v3: Foundation, CCA
  11. GiddyG

    GiddyG Terabyte Poster Gold Member

    2,471
    42
    140
    Yup ... can't wait. You are soooo in trouble... lmao. 8)
     
  12. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

    19,136
    462
    374
    I can't post right now... I'm a bit busy...

    ...everyone staying nice and cool?
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  13. Qs

    Qs Semi-Honorary Member Gold Member

    3,081
    70
    171
    Haha, yes thanks. The air is a bit.... sticky though...


    Ok, I'll stop.
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCSE: Private Cloud, MCSA (2008), MCITP: EA, MCITP: SA, MCSE: 2003, MCSA: 2003, MCITP: EDA7, MCITP: EDST7, MCITP: EST Vista, MCTS: Exh 2010, MCTS:ServerVirt, MCTS: SCCM07 & SCCM2012, MCTS: SCOM07, MCTS: Win7Conf, MCTS: VistaConf, MCDST, MCP, MBCS, HND: Applied IT, ITIL v3: Foundation, CCA
  14. Hades

    Hades Nibble Poster

    90
    3
    0
    Hope you dont get Tennis elbow. :)

    But seriouly why the attack on BM?? or am i missing something here....
     
    Certifications: City & Guilds Diploma in ICT level 2+3
  15. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

    19,136
    462
    374
    They're just jealous. 8) :biggrin

    It's all good - I don't take it personally...
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  16. nellyp123

    nellyp123 Byte Poster

    213
    13
    0
    I wasn't attacking Bm for any reason....he was the first person to mind as i know he like's a laugh, so i knew he would be cool?.........i hope????
     
    Certifications: CIW Professional
  17. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

    19,136
    462
    374
    No worries. :biggrin
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  18. westernkings

    westernkings Gigabyte Poster

    1,432
    60
    107
    8 out of 10 women kiss with their eyes closed, thats why it's so hard to identify a rapist . . . . . . . lol
     
    Certifications: MCITP:VA, MCITP:EA, MCDST, MCTS, MCITP:EST7, MCITP:SA, PRINCE2, ITILv3
  19. Tinus1959

    Tinus1959 Gigabyte Poster

    1,539
    42
    106
    A young non is questioned by the matriarch from a closter.
    "What would you do if you were to be attacked by a man?"
    I would start screeming and call for help.
    "Very good my child. But what if you were alone? Let's say in the forrest?"
    I would lift up my robe to above my hips.
    "O dear lord! Why would you do that?"
    Well, he would than problably drop his pants.
    Guess who can run the fastest then.:biggrin
     
    Certifications: See my signature
    WIP: MCSD, MCAD, CCNA, CCNP
  20. nellyp123

    nellyp123 Byte Poster

    213
    13
    0
    You know......i heard it's not called rape anymore?.........it's called "surprise sex!!"
     
    Certifications: CIW Professional

Share This Page

Loading...