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FROM QANTAS AIRLINES

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by nugget, Jul 23, 2004.

  1. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
    which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the
    aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The
    form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top
    part listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then
    respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
    remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next
    flight of that plane can review the form before taking
    off.

    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
    lack a sense of humor.

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
    responses..... with P = the problem logged by the pilot, and S =
    the solution and action taken by engineers. (Qantas, by the way,
    is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200
    feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce Problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volumes set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to Stick.

    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed
     
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  2. noelg24

    noelg24 Terabyte Poster

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    oh you have to give them some credit...thats brilliant Nugg...
     
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  3. Fergal1982

    Fergal1982 Petabyte Poster

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    my gods, i can hardly breathe!
     
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  4. punkboy101
    Honorary Member

    punkboy101 Back from the wilderness

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    good one Nug, love it. :lol:
     
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  5. SimonV

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    Even better, thanks Nugget needed that.
     
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  6. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

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    ROTFLMHA can't breath m8, topo damn funny
     
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  7. r4merlin

    r4merlin Nibble Poster

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    Thats one of the best things I have read for a little while :D
     
  8. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Funniest thing I've ever read on here, Nugg :biggrin ROTFLMAO !!!!
     
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  9. ScoobyDoo

    ScoobyDoo Byte Poster

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    Make you wonder exactly what the pilot knows that we don't when we fly in a plane !
     
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  10. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Brought back to life, as it's one of the funniest damned things ever posted on here !!! :tongue :biggrin
     
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  11. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    hehehehe! thanks for resurrecting it and thanks nugg for posting! roflmaro!


    :tongue
     
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