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Essex Huricane Appeal

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Bluerinse, Nov 19, 2005.

  1. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

    A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex.

    Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackin ell" .. The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

    Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

    Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

    * Fila or Burberry baseball caps

    * Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

    * Shell suits (female)

    * White sport socks

    * Rockport boots

    * Any other items usually sold in Primark.

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

    Required foodstuffs include:

    Microwave meals

    Tins of baked beans

    Ice cream

    Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

    £2 buys chips, crisps

    and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9

    £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    **Breaking news**

    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"

    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)
  2. Tyler D

    Tyler D Gigabyte Poster


    Nice one Bluerinse :thumbleft
    Certifications: A+,70-270
    WIP: 70-290
  3. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    hahaha! lmfaro! excellent blue, that definitely woke me right up!

    ah, chavs....Britain just wouldn't be the same without them....

    What do you call a million Chavs on the moon?


    what do you call all the chavs in the UK on the moon?

    Problem solved!
    Certifications: ECDL
    WIP: A+
  4. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    Hang on, I was born in Essex!

    I recognise it from the description.

    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  5. damienj3

    damienj3 Byte Poster

    What do you call a chav in a suit?
    The Accused.
    What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
    What do you call a chav under lock and key?
    Certifications: mcse
    WIP: MCSE 2003
  6. Missy

    Missy Byte Poster

    Well Bluerinse that was brilliant lotfpm :clap so funny and true:-) sorry Jonny :-)
    And good one from Damien to going to copy and send to a friend down there!!!!!
    Certifications: 15 credits NOCN Art and Design,Portrait.
    WIP: NOCN in Art and Design Advanced
  7. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    If this translates as well from the Glesga Neds, then we should be fine. Here goes -

    What do you call a chav in a white shell suit ?

    The bride !
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  8. damienj3

    damienj3 Byte Poster

    Here is another one. What did the chav say before he got in to a Ford Mondeo? It wasn't me officer.
    Certifications: mcse
    WIP: MCSE 2003

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