Comprehending Engineers

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Comprehending Engineers, Take One

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Comprehending Engineers, Take Two

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.


Comprehending Engineers, Take Three

What is the difference between Aerospace Engineers and Civil Engineers? Aerospace Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.


Comprehending Engineers, Take Four

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers, Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?".


Comprehending Engineers, Take Six
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."


Comprehending Engineers, Take Seven

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

 

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Nice 1 Sandy

 

I vote for 2 and 5

 

They were all good but that first one had me in stitches,

Nice one!

 

Great stuff, Sandy :P

I can just see you in a virtual night-club, arm perched on mike-stand, telling "my mother-in-law" gags :P

 

What Dave Allen style? Pass me that bottle of Highland Park!

 

Three Managers have been given the task of measuring the height of a flag pole using only a tape measure. They try triangulating it but are getting nowhere. An Engineer happens by and is asked if he can help. He chops down the pole and measures it.

One of the Managers says "Bloody typical of an Engineer that, we ask for the height and he gives us the length".