1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Being a bloke is top because .....

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Jakamoko, Jan 8, 2007.

  1. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    9,915
    60
    229
    Thanks to Sandy for this


    Being a bloke
    SRC: [unknown]
    Being a bloke is top because:
    • Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
    • Your orgasms are real. Always.
    • Your last name stays put.
    • The garage is all yours.
    • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    • You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
    • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    • You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
    • Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
    • Wrinkles add character.
    • A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
    • You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
    • People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
    • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    • Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
    • Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
    • You can appreciate great sport.
    • You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
    • One mood, ALL the damn time.
    • A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
    • You can open all your own jars.
    • Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
    • You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
    • You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
    • You can kill your own food.
    • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    • If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
    • If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.
    • Everything on your face stays its original colour.
    • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
    • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    • You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.
    • You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
    • You don't mooch off other's desserts.
    • You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
    • If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
    • You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
    • You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    • You don't have to shave below your neck.
    • Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    • One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
    • You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
    • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
    • Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,in 45 minutes.
    • Same job .... . more pay.
    • The world is your urinal
    :biggrin

     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  2. zimbo
    Honorary Member

    zimbo Petabyte Poster

    5,215
    98
    181
    the 5 colours is my main one! What is it with women and making up colours LMAO! :biggrin
     
    Certifications: B.Sc, MCDST & MCSA
    WIP: M.Sc - Computer Forensics
  3. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    5,239
    211
    236
    Very good!
    Look forward to showing the wife!

    :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  4. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

    8,871
    167
    256
    All very true :biggrin
     
    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)
  5. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    9,915
    60
    229
    Dunno why I posted it in JFL - that's a social commentary !!! :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  6. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    7,796
    71
    224
    So which part of it is the joke?8)
     
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  7. Boycie
    Honorary Member

    Boycie Senior Beer Tester

    6,281
    85
    174
    Very good and true! :D
     
    Certifications: MCSA 2003, MCDST, A+, N+, CTT+, MCT
  8. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    13,493
    179
    287
    You are unable to see specks on dishes that have just come out of the dishwasher and dust on furniture and floors. :biggrin
     
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  9. Arroryn
    Honorary Member

    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

    4,009
    186
    209
    You are unable to see my left boot swiftly heading towards your nether regions :dry

    And when it lands, you possibly may not be able to have children any more.

    Also: :p
     
    Certifications: A+, N+, MCDST, 70-410, 70-411
    WIP: Modern Languages BA
  10. nXPLOSi

    nXPLOSi Terabyte Poster

    2,874
    30
    151
    So true, Not sure whether my misses will appreciate seeing them or not... hmm..

    :twisted:
     
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Security+, MCSA 2003 (270, 290, 291), MCTS (640, 642), MCSA 2008
    WIP: MCSA 2012
  11. Mitzs
    Honorary Member

    Mitzs Ducktape Goddess

    3,282
    73
    152
    Sniffs the air, yes, that is testerone. Alot of it, that seems to being pumped in though the air vents. :ohmy Reaches for Arr, and slowly backs out of the room. No sudden moves Arr and they might not notice us while they are busy scratching their arses. :eek:
     
    Certifications: Microcomputers and network specialist.
    WIP: Adobe DW, PS
  12. Arroryn
    Honorary Member

    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

    4,009
    186
    209
    Thanks Mitzs!

    But you couldn't save me before the excess testosterone became too much for me...














    [​IMG]
     
    Certifications: A+, N+, MCDST, 70-410, 70-411
    WIP: Modern Languages BA
  13. Mitzs
    Honorary Member

    Mitzs Ducktape Goddess

    3,282
    73
    152
    A little fresh air is all you need breath deep hun. Awww, who am i kidding...
    [​IMG]

    I better get the hot wax kit. That mug is gonna take more than tweezers.:blink
     
    Certifications: Microcomputers and network specialist.
    WIP: Adobe DW, PS
  14. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    13,493
    179
    287
    Too late. I had a vasectomy over 18 years ago, so I'm "shooting blanks". Whatever pithy graphic you meant to hotlink is just a red "X" now, Arroryn. :wink:

    EDIT: The image (and I use the term loosely) appeared. You need a shave. :tongue
     
    Certifications: A+ and Network+

Share This Page

Loading...