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accident report

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by marcin_rys, Dec 5, 2010.

  1. marcin_rys

    marcin_rys Nibble Poster

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    This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Irish equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board...

    Dear Sir,
    I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level I went up onto the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

    You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

    Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain and unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

    I hope this answers your inquiry.
    Kind Regards,
    Mike Pashby
     
    Certifications: none
    WIP: MCSA, CCNA
  2. zebulebu

    zebulebu Terabyte Poster

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    No it's not, it's an urban legend that's been doing the rounds for about a hundred years.
     
    Certifications: A few
    WIP: None - f*** 'em
  3. free.heron

    free.heron Nibble Poster

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    Owch... :blink
     
    Certifications: ITIL v3
    WIP: CCENT
  4. Sparky
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

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    Is it 1985? :biggrin
     
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  5. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    Whatever did happen to Jasper Carrott?

    :biggrin
     
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  6. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

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    Bang on Jonny, it was one of Japsper's early sketches :biggrin
     
    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)
  7. GSteer

    GSteer Megabyte Poster

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    He lives on in my mp3 collection :)
     
    Certifications: BSc. (Comp. Sci.), MBCS, MCP [70-290], Specialist [74-324], Security+, Network+, A+, Tea Lord: Beverage Brewmaster | Courses: LFS101x Introduction to Linux (edX)
    WIP: CCNA Routing & Switching
  8. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    Still a good laugh every time I read it. :biggrin
     
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  9. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

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    Got to love a good old bit of JC. Loved his mole hunting with teh shotgun story (go look it up on you tube)

    Am i sad if i say i have teh Funky moped somewhere along with the Magic Roundabout?
     
    Certifications: Comptia A+, N+, MS 70-271, 70-272
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  10. Modey

    Modey Terabyte Poster

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    Heh I used to really enjoy his shows. I believe he's a broke ass bum now without two pennies to rub together. That or a multi-millionare as he owned a significant portion of the company the came up with 'Who wants to be a millionare'. :)
     
    Certifications: A+, N+, MCP, MCDST, MCSA 2K3, MCTS, MOS, MTA, MCT, MCITP:EDST7, MCSA W7, Citrix CCA, ITIL Foundation
    WIP: Nada
  11. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

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    Ok well Jasper stole it..

    It's an old song..

    you can hear the song on a video and see more info at the source..

    http://unitedireland.tripod.com/id348.html
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)

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