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16 THINGS

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by twizzle, Jul 3, 2007.

  1. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

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    16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
    by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
    the same night.

    2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
    not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
    be "meetings."

    3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
    want you to share yours with them.

    5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

    6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    7. Never lick a steak knife.

    8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
    reason why we observe daylight savings time.

    10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
    that you think she's pregnant, unless you can see an actual baby emerging
    from her at that moment.

    11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
    a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
    religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
    we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
    person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

    14. Your friends love you anyway.

    15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
    built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

    16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes,
    and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
    something acceptable to have dinner with.
     
    Certifications: Comptia A+, N+, MS 70-271, 70-272
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  2. Tinus1959

    Tinus1959 Gigabyte Poster

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    Very nice..... and so true.
     
    Certifications: See my signature
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  3. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Hah! Classic!!!
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  4. zebulebu

    zebulebu Terabyte Poster

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    Dave Barry is a genius.

    If only he were as prolific as Carl Hiaasen. Big Trouble is one of my favourite books - and his columns are even better than Hiaasen's were at his peak.
     
    Certifications: A few
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  5. VantageIsle

    VantageIsle Kilobyte Poster

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    There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    oh, how true:D
     
    Certifications: A+, ITIL V3, MCSA, MCITP:EST, CCENT, 70-432-SQL, 70-401 SCCM
    WIP: MCSA upgrade MCITP:SA then EA
  6. nXPLOSi

    nXPLOSi Terabyte Poster

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    Lol, brilliant :biggrin
     
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  7. Arroryn
    Honorary Member

    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    lol. Very, very good.

    Only just learning this one. Though the dancing still has to be undertaken after vast amounts of alcohol, so that if people are pointing and laughing, I can't remember the morning after.

    *stomps away*
     
    Certifications: A+, N+, MCDST, 70-410, 70-411
    WIP: Modern Languages BA

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