What about your other half?

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Ok, this might be a silly thing to ask...but how often do you guys go on your PCs and your wife/girlfriend/missus would rather you spent more time with her? Its just that my missus has been at it ever since we been 2gether! Now I dont have a problem spending time with her but what I do have a problem is her nagging me about it all the time as if I have nothing else to do apart from be on the PC. I cant help it when something new is found on the internet or I am playing my games and I get to the next level that I spend a lot of time on the PC? I just want to know if anyone else has had this problem and if so what have you done to keep the woman happy? thanks.

 

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Yup- same script here too. Goes with the territory, I guess ...

 

Hey we all get that, even Bertie nags me when I've been on the PC too long

 

I think we all get that. My wife uses the computer for email, banking and a few other chores but that's it. Since computers are my business and my main communication conduit, I'm on them quite a lot more and she gets bugged about it. I think because we see the technology so differently in terms of the role it plays in our lives that she has a hard time understanding what I could be doing on a PC for so long.

Ultimately, you have to walk away from the keyboard for awhile and spend a little time with the missus. Maybe even construct a schedule of when you can spend time on the PC without ignoring her. Early mornings and late at night are best for me. The wife is either still asleep in the am or has gone off to an early shift. She usually goes to bed before me so I can spend more time on the PC after she's asleep.

 

but trip this is the problem...whether I do it early in the morning or late at night its still not viable...she has even set a curfew for me...no later than 12 midnight...last nite for example I went on...I was only going to be on it for about 10min but a few lads on MSN wanted to play FIFA 2005 as a tournament..so I thought yeah, I havent had a game for while against anyone so why not..she then asked if I was going to sit with her for the rest of the evening, bearing in mind that just 15min before we were looking thru the Net for wedding stuff together...and then when she went to bed she wasnt best pleased that I was playing footy, only she didnt know I was playing it against someone else! now guys tell me...what am I to do to make it a happy medium..and Trip you hit the nail on the head by saying they dont have the understanding we do about technology. I cant even get her to think about the fundamentals of the PC and why one goes on it all the time...at least your lucky Trip, your missus has imposed a curfew before she goes to bed...my missus has called the PC the Relationship wrecker...and I dont think she is wrong...so come on guys help me here...at least I know I am not the only one, but at least your partners understand...

 

see, my missis accepts it, or can go sulk in a corner
she knew what i was like when she met me, and thats not about to change
i play games, i chat to most of my friends online, and i work with the damn things all day and need to improve my abilities
if i was actually neglecting time with her (when were together) then ok i might accept it
but if im not, i just dont get the nagging lol

getting a curfew noel? the bloody cheek of it, i dont knwo where some women think they get off
put a curfew on her shopping of 20 mins, and of her bathroom use at 10 mins, that will soon shut her up

 

now thats the spirit Phoenix, I knew someone would come in with something like that...the problem is she is that adamant about it, that she has given me one week to turn things round or she will be kicking me out of the house does it really need to be that extreme? its as if the PC is more important than her, which it isnt otherwise I wouldnt be with her and I wouldnt want to marry her...so guys just where have I gone wrong?

and its like you say Phoenix, you play games which I do, and talk to most people online which I also do...I guess she needs to find more friends online and also play games too...but yes maybe cutting down her shopping might be a good idea...the bathroom bit wont work cos we have a shower and she's only in there for like 5 minutes cos she hates showers.

 

well mate you have to put it into perspective
she goes out with her mates
she spends entire weekends out shopping
she has to come to terms with the fact that you chat to mates online
and you spend entire weekends playing games, i mean ffs thats the compromise, she cant have everything she wants whilst taking everything you want away, you have to ask yourself the question if its worth it or not (usually its not, hence the high divorce rates lol)

you still spend time with her, but she cant monopolise every second of your time, and she cant 'change' you, if she wants to change you, your in the wrong relationship

sorry to sound harsh mate, im sure your happy with her, just laying it as i see it

 

hey Phoenix I am with you all the way...yes she cant change me...this is who I am...either like it or leave it...and yes she does go out with her mates...here is one example, she went out on Tues night to a work mates house cos she was holding a aromatherapy night (like Ann summers but with lavender oils) and I said I would be watching TV cos Arsenal were playing that night...(no I aint a fan just like watching them) anyway the match finished at 9.30pm and she came in at 10.10pm. where did she go? straight to the TV to watch Eastenders on BBC3, and this morning she was complaining that I was on the PC when she got home that night...err lets see, footy finished at 9.30 and u came in at 10.10, so what were you expecting me to do? sit there and wait? no thank you, I think I will go and on the PC and talk to people or play games....so yes Phoenix there does need to be a compromise, like Trip says, come up with a schedule, and I will. lets see what she says about that! Sometimes the way she goes on its like i have to ask her permission. she watches programs like Holby City and Casulty, but not me, I would rather be on the PC than be bored with that! she also says she dont mind me going on the PC she likes a bit of quiet to herself, just I cant do it all night every night!

 

Sorry Noel, I didn't realise you were being quite so serious at the top of the thread ..

I know what you mean - my Missus has long-since accepted that this is just what I do. She spends evenings watching house progs and reality crap every night, I sit on my PC upstairs. There is kind of a medium here, in that we "meet" when I pop downstairs to nip out for a smoke (which is way too often), and she usually comes to bed around 9:30ish, so we have another hour before she "bed's down". Unfortunately, me on the PC keeps her awake, so I usually wrap up then. If I could just find a silent keynoard...

The key lesson I learned was do not come in from your job (where you work with PC's all day) and go straight upstairs and start on your own PC. Man, that really makes her mad ..

Also, and probably most important for me is to spend time with our daughter too, so I play with her when I come in, then after dinner it's usually about time to get her washed and ready for bed (bathroom is next to our room - 10 min on the PC), and also, she has a PC in her room too, so often she is just next door on hers while I'm on mine.

Now tell me thats not a happy, integrated family (...if my Missus reads this, I'm dead meat )

 

I think I more in deep trouble than you Jak. like you say dont come in from your job. only my job doesnt involve PCs (yes I use them) but I deal with telephone lines. the bit where you say you and your missus meet is the part where my missus says we're like ships that pass in the night! its the same when I want to watch footy, lets say on a wed nite when there is crap on TV, I would be on the PC then, then when its about 8pm I want to watch the footy but she's like 'oh no you dont, you come home, have your tea, go on the PC then expect to watch footy'. so its like I would get home from work and tea is ready (or I sometimes cook too) then she watches her boring programs then I say Im off onto the PC and she gives me this look as if to say 'as usual rather spend the night with the PC than with me' ok so whats wrong with sitting with her for an hour then going onto the PC for the rest of the night? Well I know what to do now. Im going to reverse it in the way that I will spend all the time with her, till she gets totally mad then says I wish you would just go on your PC, and I will jsut turn around and say, nope I want to spend time with you cos your more important than the PC. so what do you reckon? I mean I wont go too far, but this is one way of making her see sense right?

 

I just tell my wife if she wants to have the nice things in life then something has to give!!!
I will miss her!!

 

I agree with all of the above mate, you'll have to come to some sort of agreement, meet in the middle sort of thing. That is what i had to do with my ex before I moved to Canada. She didn't get it all her way, but I promised to spend a couple of hours everyday away from the computer, doing something with her to keep her happy. Not that I minded most of the time, it's just a couple of hours out of the day to spend with someone I loved.

Just remember that the Internet/Games/Study book will still be there when you get back, no matter how much you neglect them, but it don't work the other way round with the gf (unfourtunatly lol).

I can't say I alway's enjoyed my couple of hours away from my PC, doing crappy things you would only do for a girl, but it kept her happy, and if something did come up that I needed to do (not gaming, but study or a problem) she was cool about me ignoring her for a day.

Just put aside a saturday afternoon every week if your both not working, go for a walk, do some shopping, have something to eat, just relax in front of the TV, and that should keep her sweet. Make her feel that it's your "special" time together, and she should lay off a bit.

If she don't, I don't know what I would do. I've had chicks in the past that I gave my heart, but they wanted my soul, and that ain't for sale lol. The only option was to leave them. I'm only 24, my career is just taking off, and that is my priority at the mo, I've got lot's of time to think about women in a few years time.

Anyway, I hope some of this helped noel, but you know me, I like to ramble

Good luck, and just remember, you have only been with this girl just over a year, your still young, with lot's to see and do. Don't rush into anything that you might regret. Imagin what the nagging could be like in 30 - 40 or 50 years. Could you really deal with that? I'm NOT saying get rid of her, I'm just saying use caution. Only you can judge the situation, and only you know what is right for you. Just be careful, you could save yourself allot of heartache later on in life!

Andy

 

@ Noel - sounds like a calm, mature chat on neutral territory is required more than a "digging on of heels" approach on this one - only you and she can sort this out, my friend, but good luck though.

@ Peter - now I LIKE your style


EDIT: ...or what PunkBoy said

 

I agree Jak thanks...and Peter now thats the way to do it!

also thanks Punkyboy

 

i have to say that lorraine gets a bit peeved off sometimes. but i have an xbox too now, so that usually keeps her occupied, not that she doesnt whinge about it every now an then.

i just tell her to bugger off "an make me tea!" which usually results in a major huff session. lol. but no, mostly she understands that this is (at the moment) a hobby for me. its what i enjoy doing! she usually just accepts that its what i do. if i were to ignore her ALL night then she wouldnt be impressed - every once in a while thats acceptable, but not all the time!

the joys of having a low maintenance girlfriend my friends. no makeup, no hours trying on outfits, no "does my arse look fat in this?" - "no, ure arse makes ure arse look fat!"* lol, its great (for the most part!)

Fergal

* Dont try this at home kids, not without armour or a really good humoured ball an chain!

 

I'd have to say that the difference for me is that I've been married over 20 years. If you've been married that long, it usually means you've learned how to give the other person their space when they need it. In younger relationships, you haven't gone through all the battles yet necessary to gain that experience and those insights.

Not to say that it's perfect, but we don't have too many battles over it. I also am not a gamer so most of the time, when I'm on the computer, its on boards (this one and others) where I'm either trying to learn something or trying to help someone out.

Since I write, I have to do a fair amount of research so the missus understands that equates to money in the bank and she's ok with it. She still doesn't really understand half of it and she really doesn't understand that sometimes I need to be alone to concentrate. I usually write on my laptop and am sitting next to my lab machine in the computer room running a VM. The family computer is behind me and she'll just pop in whenever she pleases and does her emails and such.

When I snarl at her, it's hard for her to understand that I'm working and would prefer a bit of solitude. She also doesn't understand that men don't, by nature, multitask and that I really can't talk to her and configure my Red Hat box at the same time.

As Roger Miller once said: "You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em, so here's to the wife".

Now if I can just keep from getting flamed by Rosy.

 

I do not have that problem with the girlfriend, she is doing a degree in marketing so I sit on my desk and she sit on hers. life is cool .

 

I'd have to echo just what Jak and Trip said. You need to be a bit more mature about it and work out a compromise where you both win, otherwise it just ends up as a tit for tat situation. Maybe she needs to get a hobby, something she can do next to you in the evening so that you can be on the pc and talk with her at the same time. I've been married for 8 'wonderful' years now and we've BOTH had to compromise, not just me. She has her hobby (making jewellery) and I have mine (pc's and motorcycles). Sometimes she needs the quiet to work with and sits in the bedroom and sometimes she sits with me in the lounge room. When she needs help with something I stop working on the pc and do it. When I need to go online for a live seminar, she keeps the kids busy. We both understand that each of these things are important for us both and try to help each other. That's what a relationship is about, it is essentially a partnership. You have the same thing at work don't you? You give your work to your boss, he gives you a salary for it. You don't ingore him and just do what you want do you (I hope not)? Why should you do that at home when the other person is supposedly the most important one in your life?

I really think you need to sit down and seriously talk things out with her. Make it a win win situation. And if you have to compromise by not being on the pc occasionally then do it but make sure that she spends the time with you too. Don't do as Phoenix suggests and tell her 'like it or lump it', you'll only be looking for a new GF all the time. (sorry Phoenix but that's life)

I hope you get it sorted out mate.

 

hey it worked for me!
and i didnt mean 'like it or lump it' i meant
point out that she clearly does things that involve her, her friends, and not you, that occupy large quantities of time, she seems to think that doesnt count because its something 'every woman does' where by computers are an oddity that only 'certain people do'

she goes out with friends, shops all day, without noel, and noel can bloody well sit at his computer all day if he wants

what gets me is the example he gives whereby she goes out all night, comes home and bitches hes on the computer? where on earth does anyone get off doing that lol, im sure if you came out from a night at the pub and saw your wife watching east enders and said 'why arnt you making dinner' you would be spending a lonely evening on the couch