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IT Advice

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Duckie, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. Duckie

    Duckie Nibble Poster

    1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, darts trophies and children’s art. We don’t have lives, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

    2. Don’t write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

    3. When I.T. Support sends you an e-mail marked “High Importance”, delete it at once. We’re just testing.

    4. When an I.T. person says he’s coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won’t be there when we need your password. It’s nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

    5. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

    6. Send urgent e-mail all in UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

    7. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don’t have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

    8. When an I.T. person tells you that he’ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice, “And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?” That motivates us.

    9. When the printer won’t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

    10. When the printer still won’t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

    11. Don’t learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”.

    12. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 25 lbs of computer sitting on top of them.

    13. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn’t work, blame it on the e-mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of cake crumbs and nail clippings in them.

    14. Feel perfectly free to say things like, “I don’t know anything about that computer crap”. We don’t mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

    15. When your computer won’t power up, complain to us before you check to see whether you’ve switched on the monitor.

    16. When something’s the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn’t know anything about the problem.

    17. When you receive a 30MB (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as an e-mail attachment. We’ve got lots of disk space on that mail server.

    18. Don’t even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.

    19. When an I.T. person gets in the lift pushing £60,000 worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice: “Good grief, you take the elevator to go down one floor?!” That’s another one that cracks us up no end.

    20. When you lose your car keys, send an e-mail to the entire company. People out in the Isle of Man office like to keep abreast of what’s going on.

    21. When you bump into an I.T. person in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

    22. Don’t bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
    Certifications: MCDST, MOS 2003
  2. Sparky
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator


    Reminds me about my last job when the secretary would send out an email to the entire company saying that there was a special lunch in the canteen for somebody leaving or whatever. Anyways I was based in the Glasgow office and the email she sent would go as far as London!

    I had images of all the guys in London stopping work and jumping on a plane just to get to Glasgow for some free sandwiches!! :biggrin

    I did tell the girl there was a Glasgow mailing list but did she use it? No! Sometimes I don’t know why I bother........ :blink
    Certifications: MSc MCSE MCSA:M MCSA:S MCITP:EA MCTS(x5) Security+ Network+ A+
    WIP: Office 365, Server 2016, CEH
  3. Mr.Cheeks

    Mr.Cheeks 1st ever Gold Member! Gold Member

    Thats a good old time classic!

  4. supag33k

    supag33k Kilobyte Poster

    just remember the actual definitions...

    1. user = moron.
    2. power user = power moron.
    3. Your Boss/manager = pliant luddite/moron.
    4. Other Manager = The moron you ignore.

    j/k :biggrin :blink
    Certifications: MCSE (NT4/2000/2003/Messaging), MCDBA
    WIP: CCNA, MCTS SQL, Exchange & Security stuff
  5. r.h.lee

    r.h.lee Gigabyte Poster


    Sounds like you've got a cheat sheet to take with you to your next position you applied for. :)
    Certifications: MCSE, MCP+I, MCP, CCNA, A+

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