How to ..........Pt II

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Greebo, Apr 21, 2004.

  1. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

    How to shower like a woman........

    Take off clothes and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along way cover up any exposed flesh and rush into bathroom. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick belly out. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loincloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with cucumber and lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with enhanced natural crocus oil, leave on hair for 15 mins. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 mins until red raw. Wash rest of entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 mins to ensure it all comes off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini line but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower, Dry with towel size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. attack with nails/tweezers (if you can find them!) Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed flesh and rush into bedroom to spend hour and half getting dressed.

    How to shower like a man...........

    Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile on the floor. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Whey Hey." Look in mirror and suck in gut to see manly physique. Admire size of knob in mirror. Scratch bollocks and smell fingers for at least one whiff. Get in shower, don't bother to look for face cloth, don't need one. Wash face, wash armpits, laugh at how loud fart sounds in shower. Wash bollocks and surrounding area, wash arse leaving hairs on soap. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. Piss in shower. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole time. Partially dry off. Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel round waist. If you pass wife, pull towel off, grab knob and say "Yeah Baby!" while thrusting pelvis at her. Put on yesterdays clothes!!!!
    :daz :rolleyes:
  2. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    ROTFLMAO I have tears in my eyes reading that - that's genius, Greebo.

    Thanks for bringing it to us - anyone DARE say any of it isn't true ???

    Now, where's that mirror .......... :wink:
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  3. Rosy
    Honorary Member

    Rosy Megabyte Poster

    Now I have tears in MY eyes Jak!!!! :sickR LOL :lol:
    Certifications: MOS Master Instructor
  4. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    Gagging so soon, Rose ? :roll:
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  5. SimonV
    Honorary Member

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Gold Member

    "Whey Hey" [​IMG]
    Certifications: MOS Master 2003, CompTIA A+, MCSA:M, MCSE
    WIP: Keeping CF Alive...
  6. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    Yep.......that's pretty much how it is. 8) :lol:
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  7. AJ

    AJ 01000001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01101110 Administrator

    Absolutly priceless

    :funfun :bath :funfun
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Breathing in and out, but not out and in, that's just wrong
  8. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    That's life. 8)
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  9. mattwest

    mattwest Megabyte Poster

    How true!! :D
    Certifications: See my signature...
    WIP: Maybe re-certify my CCNA

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