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How men amuse themselves in tesco

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by j33rablade, Mar 30, 2010.

  1. j33rablade

    j33rablade Bit Poster

    Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

    This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

    Dear Mrs. Murray,

    Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your
    husband stops his antics.

    Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

    5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calorgas stove.

    7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

    9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

    10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

    11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

    12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

    13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

    And; last, but not least:

    14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
    Certifications: CCNA MCP
  2. Trogdor

    Trogdor Kilobyte Poster Gold Member

    This is very funny (brightened up an otherwise dreary day), but certainly cannot be for real!
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Server+, PDI+, MCDST, HP APS Server, HP APS Desktop / Laptop
    WIP: ITIL, CCNA, MCSA, and BSc
  3. honeymonkey

    honeymonkey Bit Poster

    lol a long long time ago I once put a coke can in the ice-cream freezer at the local asda, it froze and exploded over night, came back the next day and they had to empty out the whole freezer so it could be cleaned.
    Certifications: 10 meter swimming
    WIP: MCSE 2003
  4. AgentDRL

    AgentDRL Nibble Poster


    Many moons ago when I was at uni and working at a large supermarket chain part time, we witnessed a lady on the beers, wines and spirits aisle nick a bottle of Whisky (I think) and shove it up her lady parts to hide it :biggrin! Sorry I'm trying not to be crude here, but you can imagine some of the banter going around amongst the blokes back then when it happened.

    She got caught at the exit I might add. Crime does not pay, lol!
    Certifications: ITIL v3, A+, Network+
  5. Col

    Col Byte Poster

    For a moment I thought the thread was called 'how men abuse themselves in Tesco's' so that came as something of a relief (if you'll pardon the expression).

    And I think the woman with the whisky bottle should have got to keep it just for sheer determination and self-control...
    Certifications: A+ Network+ MCP MCDST MCITP
    WIP: CCENT Security+
  6. Trogdor

    Trogdor Kilobyte Poster Gold Member

    Same here. I can't imagine they *shudder* put it back on the shelf! :eek:
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Server+, PDI+, MCDST, HP APS Server, HP APS Desktop / Laptop
    WIP: ITIL, CCNA, MCSA, and BSc
  7. Fergal1982

    Fergal1982 Petabyte Poster

    depending on which way up she "hid it", thats either a resounding recommendation, or a dire warning
    Certifications: ITIL Foundation; MCTS: Visual Studio Team Foundation Server 2010, Administration
    WIP: None at present

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