How does your partner react?

Oh man! Ad-blocking software has been detected! :'(

This website is run by the community, for the community... and it needs advertisements in order to keep running. Blocking our ads means your killing our stats!
Please disable your ad-block, or become a premium member to hide all advertisements and this notice.

My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years has always been fine with it, she understands that I work hard because I want to climb the ladder and do well for both her and myself, and hopefully our future family. She only really nags because we "dont do enough" (We've only been to Turkey, Paris, Rome and New York this year....) Oh well, they have to nag about something I guess!!

 

Oh man! Ad-blocking software has been detected! :'(

This website is run by the community, for the community... and it needs advertisements in order to keep running. Blocking our ads means your killing our stats!
Please disable your ad-block, or become a premium member to hide all advertisements and this notice.

No contest mate. The result would be 40-0 including the lone woman in this post.

Seriously though, it's good to see that I'm not in the minority.

 

You could always email her from your workplace's new email system

 

Lads,

Some of your comments are really quite sweet and have a really good point.

Anyone whos partner nags at them / doesn't understand should maybe send her the link to this post as it shows how affected you really are - it's written down and makes sense - you'll probably get a totally different response from this post to the one you get when you are arguing...

Try it - you might be surprised at her response!!

 

I'm curious, Arroryn, just how can you be resentful of somebody doing what they love to do? You're doing what you love to do, and the further you move up the ladder the more time you will have to spend doing it. I can see resenting the problem with communication, but that's a different problem than resenting someone's work.

Also, is resentment over his company getting him to work extra getting you anywhere good? Does it improve anything for you?

I just ask because I'm someone who has worked some incredibly long hours in my life. And, it was almost always on things that came up at a moments notice. Quitting time would be an hour away on Friday afternoon, and some customer would call up saying their walk-in cooler was down. That it had been acting up for days didn't matter. They called because they couldn't last over the weekend without it. Usually it was at least 2-4 hours of work, but sometimes even more. Or, the phone would ring as we were sitting down to supper, or getting ready to go to bed, or at 2 in the morning....

My wife was always incredibly good about this as she understood my commitment to my customers. Now it's me sitting at home and waiting for her to come home as she is now the one working 60-70 hours a week. Do I resent it? Not in the least. She's committed to her work, and she is someone who just can't quit something until it's done. If she walked away from something she knew she needed to get done she wouldn't be able to sleep that night for thinking about. Does it get old not having her around? Yes. Would it do my any good rag on her about it? No. It would just make her life harder, and that's not the job anyone who's in a relationship signed on to do.

I'll just say one more thing. If you think getting married is the cure for resenting your boyfriends work schedule, think again. After 25 years of marriage I can tell you that it's the little things like that which become even more magnified once married. The cure is a change of how you look at things. In 25 years of marriage not one thing that I've wanted to change in my wife has helped our marriage, but a lot of the things I've changed in me sure has. The same is true for my wife. It's not the things she has wanted to change in me that helped. It's the changes she has made in herself that have made a difference.

 

My wife has been pretty tolerant of my working long hours. But working long hours over several years, plus writing a book, plus trying to start a business, plus working in "me time" on top of all that... DID ultimately affect our marriage negatively. Working from home and putting in MANY back-to-back all nighters when working for The Company Which Shall Not Be Named certainly didn't help. Even though I was home, I wasn't really "there". I'm still working on repairing things between us.

That said, I'd not have anyone else... she's the best mother for our children that a husband could ever ask for, and she's a good partner. If only I had been as good to her. I'm workin' on it.

Quoted for Absolute Truth and Wisdom.

 

There is a difference between a work place giving someone extra responsabilities and taking the piss.

I often work late into the night or get called in at stupid times of day and when I frsit started I didn't get paid for it untill one day I said to the manager NO unless you treat me correctly as I treat this company correctly then you can stick it (I wont say the rest because it is quite rude), fortunatley my work need me so I could use that language without fear of getting the sack, after that day I got paid double pay for any extra hours at night and time and a half for the first four hours then double if in the day (before 4.30).

If I hadn't had stood up for myself then they would have carried on taking the piss.

Just to add I work 20 miles away from where I live, so I was doing this without pay for about a year and half before I wised up.

 

Trust me I know this from experience, if he keeps doing it for nothing then it will be expected of him and will become the norm and it will look bad if he says no one day or is ill and can't do it.

My manager has only just learned this he used to work all hours and didn't get paid and its got him no where, thats when I realised (because what was happening to him) a few years back that I wasn't getting mug written all over me.

I have to say that is beyond taking the piss if he is working 60 miles away for no extra pay, if I were you I would tell him to stop it, its not gonna get him any medals except skivvy of the year award.

If you want tell him to email me and I will tell him exactly what will happen if he lets them get away with it because its happend to my manager as I said and he is stuck now.

 

He might not get paid for it... but you gotta love and admire the loyalty he shows by putting forth the extra effort when others will not.

That said, he DOES have a responsibility to call you and keep you updated if he's gonna be late.

 

I have three mottos if you like that I stand by the first wont make any sense to you as its from my martial arts days:Power is nothing without control, the second: You work to live not live to work, the third: dont take any crap from anyone.

The 2 and 3 mottos basically mean: Life is worth nothing if all you do is work, if people give you crap and you take it, they will give you more crap.

The 1st one relates to me being small and because of this I was bullied at school, so I learned martial arts I have put down people twice my size with only half my power because I know where to hit people but I excerise control in this because I could really hurt someone.

 

All i'm gonna say is that i was meant to be meeting my girlfriend or soon to be wife after work for dinner in a pub at 8pm and i had to work late.... the first thing..... the VERY FIRST thing that i would think about is contacting my girlfriend to let her know i either might be late.... or to reschedule.

The excuse "i forgot the time" would never come into the equation. Yes i am dedicated to work but if i have made commitments i need to bear those in mind too and communicate with my partner.

Arroyn i think you need to tell your partner that to make this little problem go away all he has to do is pick up and phone and call or send one quick text. If my partner said that to me i would do it.... but then again they wouldnt have to because its just good manners anyway.

To be honest I'd be a little embarrassed to be a running joke around my partners family.....

As for the whole working late thing in my new job its expected more but when i last had a long term girlfriend it was all solved by communication. "I'm going to have to work late tonight, i'm really sorry and i'll make it up to you"..... There cant be a problem because you've communicated!!

Also it's funny how sometimes you do get it in the neck for working or studying or taking all those "damn exams"..... but when you offer to trade in your 20k, 30k or 40k a year job to go work in an insurance call centre for 12k a year how it suddenly becomes ok......

 

I have to agree with BM and Matt, him not calling you and leaving you sitting waiting in a pub or wherever it is, sounds very inconsiderate to me. Get him under the thumb properly Arroryn, you aren't doing your job properly.

 

He didn't call to say he would be late? Oh oh.

If I'm going to be late, I usually call home (assuming my wife isn't working late, too) to let folks know. Just before 5 last night, my wife called my cell to make sure I had the transportation issue taken care of (I did). That said, she's pretty bad about staying out late (at a class or with a friend) and not letting me know. I've tried to get used to it over the years (she's pretty independent) but I always worry a little (and she doesn't carry a cell phone).

Standard dating protocol does state that when someone is waiting for you at a pub and you're going to be late, you should call them.

 

My next job (which seems more likely to happen each day) may involve 24/7 on site cover - not something that I would want to do, but within the company thats the "best" next step taking into all considerations (mainly transport). I've told my girlfriend this and while she's a little sad about not me being there in the evening, it does mean that it'll be the next step and it won't be forever.

Find the right one, and they will respect what you say and where your dreams are

 

I am sorry to bump on this thread xD

but i am just going through something like this with my gf..

We are dating for a few months now, but we live in different countries...( we got together a few times though:P)

but before i used to be most of my time online,roaming around doing nothing... bla bla working as a casual employee ( could do 4 hours a day or 15 hours a day ) and used to have plenty time to chat with her etc etc etc
now since I have started a permanent part time.. during the night, it happens that is more demanding coz i got to travel 50 miles(total) to go and return.
i get back home at this time...and during the day got plenty study,own business to take off from the ground, etc etc, and specially now.. that i am looking for IT jobs..i stay out till around 5pm after that i go to bed to get some rest.. and get ready for the late shift.

she used to be "free" but now she is studying .. but she made her changes to make sure she got time for me..

so in this precise moment.. i do not have a damn clue wether we are together or falling apart...
she wants me to sort my life.. and then later on we might continue..


p.s. i used to be a damn lazy boy, but getting such a gf made me "think" about the future!
and now she is starting to be that with me...
just makes me want to FINISH everything because... i dont want stress, i have enough!
but i dont wana do that... she is the woman i love.. and she loves me too

 

I am very late on this one so forgive me.

This was one of the reasons why me and my ex-fianceé split up over 2yrs ago and also the reason why I prefer to be single.

When I first moved to Aberdeen to live with my woman at the time (this was March 2004), everything was sweet and rosy, I was happily in love and enjoying my time with her. There were times when she would make me go on the PC cos she felt I was spending enough time on it (so u would be forgiven for thinking it was partly her fault). But I wanted to spend more time with her and do things with her (as couples do ).

Anyway as time went on (and I asked her to marry me on Nov 2004 a year after we met) things started to go downhill...we were constantly arguing and this resulted in me spending more time on the PC and also by about this time was when I discovered downloading movies off the net (ooo-er!!) so I would spend everytime possible on the computer hunting for films, music and games to download...she was never too pleased about this. She even described us as "ships that passed in the night". I would come home from work and straight onto the PC (altho saying that I did the housework before all this). She would cook in the kitchen while I was downloading or playing games and then when dinner was ready, I would go and eat and the second I finished, it was back onto the PC.

It just got worse after that and I lost interest in our relationship. She knew how much I loved computers and even offered to pay for my A+ exams at the time, which I duly declined cos I didnt wana feel like I owed her something back (which in essence I did cos she paid the majority of stuff for the wedding that never happened).

Talking of which, we due to get married August of 2005 and I split up with her March 2005. I know bad of me...but I am sorry, it just didnt work out anymore...

I look back now and think what would I have done to make things different? To be honest it wouldnt have made any difference what I did, cos I would still be doing what I am doing now...building more PCs for myself...at least now I am better off financially...cos back then, she was earning 3 times more than I was...and that really put a downer on things for me...

I knew the potential I had and I couldnt fulfill it when I was with her...since being single for 2 and a half years, well u all know. 2 desktops and 1 laptop later, I am a happy chappy.

Needless to say, after I broke up with her she never wanted to speak to me again. Which is fine...since I think is how it should be...once u break up thats it...no contact whatsoever...u broke for a reason...get over it...stop talking to the ex!! it will only get worse!!