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Getting old

Discussion in 'The Lounge - Off Topic' started by zxspectrum, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

    Right folks sorry to do this but i feel i need to get it out of my system and then hopefully it will feel a bit better as at te moment i am about to explode.

    Im 32 and i have friends, all of which are a couple of years older than me. when we go out its to the same places and recently unless its a birthday or other special occasion then no one bothers. Everyone seems to be getting into the settling down stuff, except neil who only talks about building work which not a good line for the girls to hear.

    Anyway my questino is this and its directed to people over 30 i suppose, when you hit 30 did life just start to go wrong for you, did your friends become possessed with the desire to play bingo and knit cardigans and start using sayings like i never did that when i was a kid.

    I used to look forward to the weekends as i knew it would be a laugh and that wed end up in liverpool, but now thise days seem to be such a distant memory and the problem is its killing me the way its happening. I really should be greatful as ive got 5% kidney function and have to dialyse for 10 hours a day, but ive an urge and a cravingf that still need to be fulfilled. I can stop having fun when im dead and whats the point of buying a house or saving to buy a house as 1 you cant take it with you and 2 the selfish brats that you produce to replace you will probabaly sell it as its not to their liking and a;so will end up putting you in a care home when you dribble down your cheek.

    Think im becoming grumpy too, just through shear frustration.

    Sorry, rant over

    Certifications: BSc computing and information systems
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    Honorary Member

    UCHEEKYMONKEY R.I.P - gone but never forgotten. Gold Member

    You know when I first saw the title of this thread I thought it was going to be a story about Trip:tongue:twisted:

    I think we all get grumpy mate, doesn't matter what age you are, it's living in this country that does it!

    Everyone's feeling the pinch with the cost of living going up, the cost of fuel and food.:(
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  3. postman

    postman Byte Poster

    Just wait because in another 5/6 years you'll physically start falling apart, sore knees, bad back and those little niggley pains that you've never noticed before:( (not to mention the hairline going north and the waistline going south)
    WIP: A+
  4. greenbrucelee
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    greenbrucelee Zettabyte Poster

    You just grow up I suppose.

    I used to be the ultimate pisshead, my problem was and is that I don't get hang overs because I have a very high metabolism. I can party all night and drink after that I can have a couple of hours kip then I will be ok.

    These days I just cant be arsed doing it like I used to, I have more important things to do ( I sound like an old fart now) but I think thats the way it goes.

    Its taken me a while to realise that its growing up and part of life.
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  5. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

    Well GBL i now what you mean i used to be the same as well.

    Anyway on a slightly different note im sure some of you may have seen the matrix and also the truman show. Well when i was in hospital having a tube put in so i could dialyse. Well so i can do the dialysis i had to go on a macine and i still do but as i was paranoid about going on this machine i could not sleep. This was a bit of a pain in the arse as for the first three nights i didnt sleep. As i didint sleep my mind played some bad tricks on me, some oof which made me think that life was like the matrix or the truman show. I was thinkingh that life was like this and that i was being wathced and that the nurses were keeping me in the hospital was all a conspiracy etc.

    Welli know its not like that but life im sure when you look at it is not far from it. You may think that your living a free life but when you take a proper look at it , your lifes prety much written out for you whether you like it or not. Or is that just me. Im going to stop now as im sure ill piss people off, sorry:rolleyes:
    Certifications: BSc computing and information systems
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  6. The_Geek

    The_Geek Megabyte Poster

    Well, let me add my .02.

    I'll be 40 in November, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I ride my mountain bike twice a week, do a lot of walking every day, and try to eat as healthy as possible, when possible. I haven't been under 200 pounds since I got married (15 years ago) and I'm only a few pounds away from accomplishing that goal.

    When I hit 30, I felt a "door of new life" open. The past 9 years have been GREAT! My son was born, I celebrated 15 years of marriage with my soul mate and the best woman on the face of the earth, and I have pretty much as close to a dream job as anyone can wish for (company vehicle AND gas card). I am SO looking forward to hitting 40 and seeing how much better life gets.

    Don't think of getting old but like a fine wine.........you're just getting better with age. :D
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  7. Sparky
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

    Things change mate, people change as well.

    Like GBL I used to be a complete pi55head and from Thursday night until Sunday night and spent the majority of my time in the pub and then onto a club for some fun and games (enough said!).

    Then for some reason it all kinda stopped, I still hang around with the same group of mates but we generally go out in the afternoon and stop drinking late evening. Occasionally there is the odd club night but it isn’t a 5am finish more like 2am! :oops:

    I’m not too bothered about things changing though, I feel like I’ve done the whole partying thing and I have a good few stories to tell, some I will never tell the wife btw! :biggrin
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  8. greenbrucelee
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    greenbrucelee Zettabyte Poster

    Unfortunatley other things take priority and basically I dont think I could drink like used to. When I was at uni I would get a bottle of vodka (1 litre) and fill a pint glass half full then the rest with orange, do that 3 times and the vodka is gone. That was typical for me.

    Me a friends at uni used to do a funnel and hose pipe job, but we ended it after one guy developed ulcers :blink
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  9. disarm

    disarm Byte Poster

    Get new friends.
    If I relied on the old set of friends all the time then I'd hardly ever go out as most people are settled down and so on.

    People seem to settle down with age, I haven't yet but it may happen one day? Actually I can't see it happening but hey, that's what people tell me.

    I think the point is: you can never have too many friends. Friends come and go, so meet new people, network, make and take every social opportunity that comes your way, as you never know where it may take you. Don't rely on the same old people and the same old places.
  10. Jimbooo

    Jimbooo Nibble Poster

    I know I'm still just a kid in your eyes probably, but it's my 20th birthday today..

    Most of my friends are 17/18 and call me the 'old guy'. But, I never want to grow up. Take comfort in the fact that you're not becoming a miserable git! My friends who are off going to Uni, sure they like to have a laugh, but sometimes they're just boring and don't want to go out. You should be happy that you're the one who hasn't gone all boring yet!

    It's great that you want to hang on to being young as long as you can, because when you're old, you don't want to be saying "I wish I'd done this or that"...
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  11. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    Well, since Monkey mentioned my name as the "old git" of the forum, I might as well put in my opinion as well. It occurs to me that maybe I'm "too old" to render an opinion since my priorities are quite a bit different than when I was single and pretty much spent the weekends with my "mates".

    I did have those days when I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. Weekends were spent with my girlfriend and our friends (well, her friends), going out to shows, eating, and drinking. I lived paycheck to paycheck and really didn't consider the future. It was just some vague "something" out there that I supposed would take care of itself at some point.

    I eventually did meet and marry the "girl of my dreams". She, by nature, is very goal oriented, and little by little, got me on track with the idea that the future didn't take care of itself, we'd have to make it together. Having children continued to change the way I thought about things (and we don't have kids so that at the proper age, they'll automatically be grateful that we gave them life...parents wanting their kids to be grateful is more about our needs than theirs).

    I look back on photos of myself in my 30s and I look so darn young. I was in great shape. I let myself go in my later 30s, but got back into shape in my 40s. Coming to faith gave me an even greater insight into the purpose of my life, what I should be doing, and who I should be serving. It's a continual process of discovery, and I doubt I'll ever completely finish.

    When I turned 50, it's like my body decided to self-destruct. I became prone to anxiety-attacks and once (and only once, fortunately) had a panic attack (no fun, trust me). I started to worry about every little ache and pain. I gained a huge amount of weight and always felt bad or sick. I determined that the way I'd spent my earlier years, abusing my body and figuring there'd be no consequences, was now making itself felt.

    I'll be 54 next month, which to most of you must sound like "one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel" (sorry, Monkey). The thing is, when you get to that age (or any age), you don't really feel like life is over. If you do, I suppose it's time to walk into traffic or jump out of a plane without a parachute. Yeah, I'm middle aged. So what? If other people feel I'm too old to make a contribution or to have a meaningful life, they can go pound sand. I'm not dead yet and don't feel like I'm anywhere near dead.

    King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that there's a time in life for all things. We can't and probably shouldn't, live out all of our lives as if we'll always be 25. As GBL said, there's a time to "grow up" and take on greater levels of responsibility. That doesn't mean that we "settle down" to the point where life is no fun, however "fun" may end up being defined differently. I have fun doing things that would probably bore you silly.

    My brother is 43 and he is an avid scuba diver, regularly going on shark dives (hardly boring). A woman in my congregation plans to go sky diving for the first time to celebrate her 30th birthday. My first book (such as it was) was published when I was 51 years old and I've been published three times since then in book form (and many more times in other formats).

    I'm not sure what you want out of life, but there's more to it than partying on the weekend, every weekend. If getting married and buying a house isn't what you want to do, no one is forcing you. It's not the lifestyle for everyone. I am not trying to be mean or cruel when I say this next piece, but having 5% kidney function and having to be on dialysis so often and long, I'd think that would give you a certain amount of perspective most of us don't have and help you crystalize what really is important in life.

    There are times in our life when we all lose hope and faith in the future. Just today, I was teaching about what happened to the Children of Israel after they failed to follow God by faith and take possession of the Land of Israel (their children would finally take possession 40 years later), and how that failure led many of them to lose hope and rebel against Moses and against God.

    While I don't think your particular complaint is of that magnitude and probably not of that nature at all, these sorts of realizations usually mean we are reevaluating our existence and trying to find out what life is *really* all about. This is probably a good sign on your part and I think it means that you are ready for the next stage or phase or whatever of your life. Like GBL said, it's about "growing up". Growing up doesn't mean being a doddering old bore who's good for nothing but watching grass grow. If you want life to mean something, figure out what it is you need to be doing with your life and do it.

    Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's hard for me to really think of you being "old" at 32. Heck, you're even younger than that "punk kid" BosonMichael who's always bashing me because of my age. :wink:
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  12. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

    Great post James, i couldn't have said it better myself.. and i mean that, it was typical of your amazing ability at expressing yourself. something i'm sure that has ripened with time and life's experiences.

    As for me, well i'm not far behind the olde sage Trip, and i do have fond memories of what life was like in my 20's and 30's, going out on the town 4 or 5 nights a week. It is different now as i don't go out so much either, the truth is that in many ways it is better, i have a lovely wife and a great life, also I am fitter now than i was back then and i still enjoy a good party and getting smashed once in a while. It's all good really, make the most of what you have and enjoy the ride 8)
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  13. Finkenstein

    Finkenstein Kilobyte Poster

    I think that I'm a lot like The_Geek. I'm going to be 30 in August, and I think I'm at the best point in my life... I have a wonderful wife of over 8 years, and a son that is almost 2 (and hopefully will have another one on the way soon). I must say my mid 20's were good, but looking back they were very rough. I'll spare the details, but I'll say this... I found myself growing up more than the friends that I grew up with... not only have I had a career and a family, but I don't have the "teenage angst" that we had growing up... and that they still have. I made a decision that in order to better my life and to move on to better things that I would step away from the few that were dragging me down. It was a painful process, but now I can honestly say I find myself in the best place of my life. I've started becoming more health conscious, and strive to be in better shape than I was when I ran track in high school many years ago (hehe). I just see so much opportunity that has come my way... I don't know if it is a maturity thing, or an aging thing. I don't know if 30 is the magic stepping stone, or if it was my son. Whatever the case, I love life and feel that I have a lot to give and a lot to experience.

    Hope this helps in some way!
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  14. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

    I love being 38. :)

    I never really enjoyed the whole "partying scene". I mostly hung out with good friends and played on the computer. About the only thing I did then that I don't do now is play RPGs and board games and go to sci-fi conventions.

    That said, there are so many other great things to do these days that I don't miss the old gaming days much. I've got my wife, my kids, and my faith. I still play on the computer (when everyone's in the bed). I love scuba diving, and I love my career. I have fun on Friday nights for family movie night... I have fun on Saturdays spending time with the kids... I have fun on Sundays worshipping my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... and I have fun Monday through Friday in a career I enjoy thoroughly. I don't dread a single day... and I have absolutely no regrets.

    Life is awesome. :)
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  15. simongrahamuk
    Honorary Member

    simongrahamuk Hmmmmmmm?

    not to sound harsh zx, but do you think that there could subconsciously be an element of jealousy? You see your friends wanting to take their lives in different directions, but you haven't got that so you're feeling that everyone is getting old?
  16. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    I think it's a biological thing.
    Our bodies can't party forever.

    There is part of us that realises that we need to settle down and, ahem, think about a job and a family.

    Personally, 30 came as arelief to me as it meant that I had a valid excuse for being boring and grumpy.
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  17. Finkenstein

    Finkenstein Kilobyte Poster

    Mike, from the sounds of things, we have a lot in common... well, I'm not that ancient yet... 8) I did the gaming thing, can show pictures of me sitting at Mulder's desk, and I had the party thing though. I did most of that in high school, but my wife turned me around. She was very conservative Christian, and I was VERY rough around the edges. She cleaned me up and I got her to relax (but not too much). She taught me everything I was missing in life. Life threw us a curve ball about 4 years back and we did some dumb things, but after removing the cancer, and refocusing our lives on what is right, we are back where we feel we are meant to be. I must say I think that turning point was being blessed with our son... we both have our issues, so we didn't think it could be possible, but he came at the perfect time. To wake up every day to a miracle is amazing... well, ok... that miracle wakes us up, hence the reason I am up at 5:30am on a Sunday. :biggrin I wouldn't change it for anyone though!
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  18. UKDarkstar
    Honorary Member

    UKDarkstar Terabyte Poster

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  19. sunn

    sunn Gigabyte Poster

    ooooh, breaking news Mike is "ancient" :biggrin
  20. Ropenfold

    Ropenfold Kilobyte Poster

    Hi there ZX, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring on this one as like you I think I'm going through a bit of a transition phase, especially in regards to my lifestyle and the people around me.

    If its any comfort to you, for a start you're not alone (As this board testifies!!). Recently in the field of psychology, many experts in the field have identified a crisis time affecting many millions of people around our age pretty much detailing what you've just said, the feeling of 'getting old', friends moving on, the places you hung around earlier in your life not feeling the same. The 'experts' labelled this the quarterlife crisis, but I think more than anything its just growing up. Its just I think its different to our parents era, Socially the pressures to settle down and have a house and kids and have a pair of trainers especially for gardening are no where near as great as they were. Thats great, as people have more freedoms to do what they want to do when they want to do it, but I still think there's also the conflict that people will have to at some point, 'settle down'.

    A couple of years ago I'd looked around my friends and saw a shift in their priorities, we weren't all sitting round someones house anymore smoking pot and playing Pro Evo Soccer, going to same clubs we'd been going to since we were 17 and just generally living for the weekends. I felt a bit rudderless then as I realised at the time I didn't really have a plan or an idea of what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. I'd gone to Uni and come out thinking I'd get some great job and everything would be great. It hadn't happened.

    So I took some time out to asses my priorites, went off and saw some of the world, partied in some far flung places, got into buddhism in a big way, read some fantastic books like the Tao Te Ching and the Dhammapada, got used to and enjoyed my own company and appriecated how lucky I was in comparision to many other people I encountered. I came back and had a plan and felt a lot better inside. Sure, my friends have moved on a bit but so had I and I'm a lot better for it.

    My advise would be not to worry about it, accept that your not 19 anymore and as many of our older members on this forum (In age only not state of mind!!) would testify, its great getting older. I'm actually glad I'm not 19 anymore, I'm way more happy now inside and spiritually than I was then. I for one am excited by the challenges and future ahead of me now, I don't fear it. I still see my friends and we still go out as a group, but its not every week and the time we spend together is even more appreciated. It should be the same for you, you might not see your mates every week but thats not cause they don't wanna see you any more, far from it, its just priorites change. I can assure you, they still wanna go out and definately without the missus occasionally!!! We all play football every week and thats set in stone, its just the old lads every week and again we never take it for granted anymore like we used to. Its quality time. Seeing my mates all the time would drive me daft now, I apprieciate having my own time and working all week, I only really get that at weekends. Some of my younger mates can't understand how I'd rather go to the gym on a friday night on my own but I'd take that any day over getting pissed in a pub straight after work and spending saturday wrecked in bed. Yeah I still have issues, I need to move out and I want a better job, but that'll come with hard work and time. Get yourself some challenges and some goals, branch out and experience some new stuff and meet new people if you feel like your stuck in a rut. You have more power over your life than you realise.

    Its your life and no one elses, make the most of it. Accept whats gone and look forward to the future, what ever it will be.
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