GCSE Questions

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Phil, Jan 12, 2004.

  1. Phil
    Honorary Member

    Phil Gigabyte Poster

    A Golden Oldie

    The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
    GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students
    writing their fifth form GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine
    responses from 16 year olds.


    Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
    pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: What is a planet?
    A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
    tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the
    moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in
    this fight.


    Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
    the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax
    contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
    five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

    Q: What is the Fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
    A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What is a seizure?
    A: A Roman emperor.

    Q: What is a terminal illness?
    A: When you are sick at the airport

    Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
    umbrellas. English

    Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
    A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}

    Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


    Q: What is a turbine?
    A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.
    Certifications: MCSE:M & S MCSA:M CCNA CNA
    WIP: 2003 Upgrade, CCNA Upgrade
  2. SimonV
    Honorary Member

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Gold Member

    ROTFL, I just printed out a couple of copies and gave them to some of the teachers. :lol:

    Cheers Phil. :lol:
    Certifications: MOS Master 2003, CompTIA A+, MCSA:M, MCSE
    WIP: Keeping CF Alive...
  3. AJ

    AJ 01000001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01101110 Administrator

    Absolutely priceless. I've sent them around the school already. :thumbleft :lol:

    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Breathing in and out, but not out and in, that's just wrong
  4. Rosy
    Honorary Member

    Rosy Megabyte Poster

    Excellent Phil :!: :funfun
    Certifications: MOS Master Instructor
  5. flex22

    flex22 Gigabyte Poster

    Stretcher :!: :brancard ROFL :!:

    That's reminded me of when I had to have individual reading lessons with the teacher when I was about 8.I had to write this essay thing, and instead of writing "Protestant" I kept writing "Prostitute." :oops:

    I can still remember the teacher going red with laughter, she just couldn't help not laughing.I was bemused.Just glad it wasn't in front of a class :P
    I figured the mistake out in the end.

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