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Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by twizzle, Mar 5, 2007.

  1. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

    Understanding Engineers - Take One
    Two engineering students were walking across a university
    campus when one said,

    "Where did you get such a great bike?"

    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
    yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode
    up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her
    clothes and said, "Take what you want."

    The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice;
    the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two

    To the optimist, the glass is half full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Three

    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
    for a particularly slow group of golfers.

    The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have
    been waiting
    for fifteen minutes!"

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
    inept golf!"

    The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
    word with him."

    He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of
    us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
    fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from
    a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group fell silent for a moment.

    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
    prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
    ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do
    for them."

    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Four

    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil

    Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build

    Understanding Engineers - Take Five

    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it
    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
    The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
    the possible designers of the human body.
    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
    system has many thousands of electrical connections."
    The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
    engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
    recreational area ?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
    enough features yet.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
    to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful

    He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
    back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one

    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
    returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
    a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you

    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
    back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
    a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week
    and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
    for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
    Certifications: Comptia A+, N+, MS 70-271, 70-272
    WIP: Being a BILB,
  2. AJ

    AJ 01000001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01101110 Administrator

    Brilliant mate, my brother is a mechanical engineer and these will be winging their way over to him :D
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Breathing in and out, but not out and in, that's just wrong
  3. Headache

    Headache Gigabyte Poster

    Certifications: CCNA
  4. nXPLOSi

    nXPLOSi Terabyte Poster

    Love the first one, absolutly brilliant :D
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Security+, MCSA 2003 (270, 290, 291), MCTS (640, 642), MCSA 2008
    WIP: MCSA 2012
  5. oggler

    oggler Byte Poster

    From an ex mechanical engineer with an MSc in Applied Energy (Thermal Physics) and a PhD in Applied Energy Economics, I must say that I really enjoyed this.

    WTF made me want a career change and go into IT :behead
    Certifications: A+, N+, Sec+, MCSA W2k3-Security, CEH

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