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Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Fanatical, May 8, 2007.

  1. Fanatical

    Fanatical Byte Poster


    • Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
    Customer: "Word 6.0."

    • Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
    Customer: "Netscape."
    Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
    Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

    • Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
    Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

    • Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
    Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

    • Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
    Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

    • Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
    Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
    Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

    • Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
    Customer: "the top one."

    • Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

    • Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
    Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

    • Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
    Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

    • Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.'
    • Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'
    • Tech Support: 'Well?'
    • Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?'

    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."

    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

    Customer: "No."

    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

    Customer: "No."

    Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

    (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

    Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

    Customer: "I've done something dumb, right?"

    Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
    Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

    Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

    Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
    Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

    Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

    Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

    Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

    Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

    Customer: "What?"

    Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

    Customer "No..."

    Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

    Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
    Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

    Customer: "I can't open the box."

    Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."

    Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

    Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
    Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type 'dir'."

    Customer: reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.

    Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."

    Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."

    Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place - it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"

    Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."

    Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

    Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

    At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
    Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

    Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."

    Customer: "What is that?"

    Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

    Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar..."

    • Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
      Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

      Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

      Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"

      Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."

      Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

      Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

      Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

      Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broken and defective."

      Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A:drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?" At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

      Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"

      Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."


      Tech Support: "Sir?"

      Customer: "Yes."

      Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

      Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"

      Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

      Customer: "Ummmm."

      Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"

      Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"

      Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."
    Certifications: A+, MCDST
  2. Bambino1506

    Bambino1506 Megabyte Poster

    I LOL'd at a few of those, good post mate :D :p
    Certifications: MCP,MCDST,MCSA
    WIP: CCA
  3. nXPLOSi

    nXPLOSi Terabyte Poster

    Lol, love these kind of things :)
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Security+, MCSA 2003 (270, 290, 291), MCTS (640, 642), MCSA 2008
    WIP: MCSA 2012
  4. Tinus1959

    Tinus1959 Gigabyte Poster

    I love those. Here in the Netherlands we have a TV commercial based on those kind of thing. (you see a car and hear a satnav system say "Please turn left" Next you see the driver drive the car in the hedge just before the turn.)
    In one of those you see a woman reading the instructionbook to her spouse: place the mouse on the topleft on your screen, which he does literally.
    Certifications: See my signature

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