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Computer Folly

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Mr.Cheeks, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. Mr.Cheeks

    Mr.Cheeks 1st ever Gold Member! Gold Member

    A gentleman with a western accent called up saying that he was not satisfied with our service and wished to cancel. After telling him that he would need to call back during business hours and speak with customer service, I asked if there was anything I could do to make the service more satisfactory.

    Customer: "Well, I've had ya guys for months now and still I can't get connected."

    Tech Support: "Have you called us about this before"?

    Customer: "Well, yes, a couple of times."

    So I got his username and looked him up. Sure enough, there were two tech logs under his name, so I read them briefly. Virtually everything that could be checked had been checked. Something about the way he was talking to me made me a little curious, so I continued to ask questions.

    Tech Support: "From what I can tell, the techs have helped you double check your settings and everything should be perfectly fine. Do you use Netscape or Internet Explorer to connect"?

    Customer: "Well, now, I dunno. I just use the stuff ya gave me. When I wanna get online, I click this here."

    Tech Support: "Can you be a little more specific"?

    Customer: "I move the little arrow here and click."

    Tech Support: "Can you tell me what icons are on your desktop"?

    Customer: "I ain't got no icons."

    Tech Support: (blink) "You don't? None at all"?

    Customer: "Nope."

    Tech Support: "Well, ok. Do you have something on your desktop that says, 'Shortcut to [our Internet service]'"?

    Customer: "No, I ain't got nothin' written like that on my desktop."

    Tech Support: "Ok, um. Can you tell me what's on your desktop, then"?

    Customer: "Well, I gots me here a pencil, the computer and my coffee."

    Tech Support: "Um, alright. Can you tell me what you see on the TV part of your computer"?

    Customer: "On one side there's a buncha pictures and across the top there's words."

    Tech Support: "Good, sir, that's what I hoped you would say. The little pictures are called 'icons,' and the whole screen area that the little pictures are on is called the 'desktop.'"

    Customer: "Oh. Is that what you meant? I ain't the religious type, so don't keep no Marys or nothin' around."

    Tech Support: "Um, yes, that's what I was meaning, sir. Now, on your screen, the desktop, do you see anything that says 'Shortcut to the Internet' or '[our Internet service]'"?

    Customer: "Why, yes I do. In fact, that's what I click on when I try to connect."

    Tech Support: "And then what happens sir"?

    Customer: "Well, the computer makes all kinds of annoying sounds, then pops up a little thing sayin' I'm connected."

    Tech Support: "Go--"

    Customer: (interrupting) "Now before ya say anythin', I wantcha ta know it lies."

    Tech Support: "It what"?

    Customer: "The little thing sayin' I'm connected. It ain't talkin' the truth."

    Tech Support: "Um, ok. What makes you say that"?

    Customer: "Well, because after that nothin' happens. Nothin' at all."

    Tech Support: "Excuse me"?

    Customer: "Well, it says I'm connected, but nothin' else happens. I'm a patient man, but after about half an hour, my computer finally gives up the truth an' says I'm not connected no more."

    Tech Support: "Have you tried using a Web browser, sir? Do you get any kind of errors when you try opening a Web page"?

    Customer: "I'm tellin' you, nothin' happens."

    Tech Support: "Alright. What do you use for a Web browser"?

    Customer: "I'm not quite sure whatcha mean."

    Tech Support: "Netscape Navigator? Internet Explorer? Do you use any programs like those"?

    Customer: "Now why would I need anything like that? All I want to do is get connected."

    Tech Support: "Right sir, you are getting conn--"

    Customer: "Now listen here, I just done told ya that I'm not. I think I'd know if anything happened after I tried to connect.

    By now I'm getting rather frustrated, but still I press on."

    Tech Support: "Ok, let me try to explain a couple of things. First of all, when most people talk about 'surfing the Web' and 'getting on the Internet,' they're usually talking about viewing Web pages on the Internet."

    Customer: "I follow ya."

    Tech Support: "In order to view these pages, the person needs to run a Web browsing program, typically Netscape Navigator or Internet Explorer. These turn the information on a Web site into a format that is understandable by an ordinary person."

    Customer: "So, I need one of them ta get connected"?

    Tech Support: "Actually, sir, you are already getting connected. Once you get that 'connected' message, you need to open up a Web browser."

    Customer: "I do"?

    Tech Support: "Yes, sir. On your screen, do you have a 'little picture' that looks like a big 'N' or do you have one that looks like an 'e'"?

    Customer: "I got one that looks like an 'N'."

    Tech Support: "All right, sir, here's what I want you to do: After hanging up with me, I want you to connect like you usually do. Once you get that 'connected' box to appear on your screen, I want you to click on the picture of the 'N'. If things still aren't happening after that, go ahead and call us back."

    Customer: "Alright, I'll try that, but I tell ya, ain't nothin' gonna happen."

    The customer never called back. He also did not cancel his service the next day. The whole call took just over an hour and a half and I was ready to pull my hair out at several points. After the call, though, we were laughing over it for hours.

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