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breaking news help wanted

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by farmer, Aug 26, 2007.

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  1. farmer

    farmer Byte Poster

    Dundee quake!!!!!

    Emergency in Dundee
    A Major Catagory 3 Hurricane (Jada ) hit in the early hours of Friday -
    Epicentre: Dundee - Scotland

    Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "Whit DA-F*CK wiz at"

    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

    Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.

    Three areas of historic Burnt Out Cars were disturbed.

    Many locals were woken well before their giros were due to arrive.

    Tay FM Radio Station reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Dundee apart from the local punch up's at closing time or early morning drug raids!

    One resident - Tracy-Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said
    "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying "What Da-F*ck was that - and why is uncle Jim in your bed ?".

    My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Henrick-Gerrard slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning, and mustav smoked 60 Lambert an Butlers"

    Apparently though, looting, muggings, spraying graffiti and car crime were all able to carry on as normal.

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Pound Stretchers Kola+ Chips and gravy to the area to help the stricken locals.

    Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Argos plus a large range of items from Poundstore


    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

    * FILA or Burberry baseball caps

    * Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

    * Shell suits (female)

    * White sport socks

    *Any Garments by Donnay

    * Any other items usually sold in Matalan

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppys for a family of 9

    £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
    Certifications: C&G level 2, ECDL, IC3, MOS
    WIP: city and guilds level3 , a+
  2. rax

    rax Megabyte Poster

    Is that a joke or are you just slagging off the people from Dundee? I went out with a girl from there once, and another ex has moved there for Uni. It really is as bad as your post suggests :rolleyes:
    Certifications: ITIL v3 Foundation, CompTIA Network+
  3. wizard

    wizard Petabyte Poster

    It's in the just for laughs section, chill out 8)
    Certifications: SIA DS Licence
    WIP: A+ 2009
  4. rax

    rax Megabyte Poster


    I am chilled, I'm just unsure if it's a joke or a 'slagging' of the Dundee citizens :p
    Certifications: ITIL v3 Foundation, CompTIA Network+
  5. farmer

    farmer Byte Poster

    it really is just a joke, could really have been about anywhere in the uk. i'm quite sure we all know about area like that
    Certifications: C&G level 2, ECDL, IC3, MOS
    WIP: city and guilds level3 , a+
  6. rax

    rax Megabyte Poster

    Like I said, Dundee really is..

    I think it has the highest Teenage Pregnancy rate in UK? If not it's definitely the highest in Scotland.

    I remember when I started seeing my ex who was from Dundee, she actually tried to suggest I buy some of those 'chav' socks, burbery(?) things that cost ~£7 and she also suggested a baseball cap. I'm surprised she didn't ask me to knock her up there and then (I guess it was the lack of 'Chav' gear I had!).

    It's not just Dundee though, I'm ashamed of the way this country is heading in this day and age. I'm 22 years old, play hockey, do on and off bodybuilding - generally don't come under a 'nerd' category (excludes the excessive hours I spend sitting on the pc! :oops: ) so don't think I'm stuck up ponse as I'm not. :p

    As I was saying, I grow more and more ashamed of this country (Scotland) every day I step out of my house. The Chav's populace (a.k.a Ned) seems to spread like a plague.

    I went out to get some supplies from the local grocery shop just the other week and to my (almost) amazement, I saw a young boy, maybe 17ish, hanging out his window in a drunken state. He was standing fully upright on the window cile and was shouting cheerful "Hello's" to the passers by and didn't seem in the least bit worried for his own safety. On my return from the shop however, I found the same said boy and a group of his imbecile friends jumping on car bonnets!

    Young chav's like these seem to be everywhere, all using there same disgusting language "eehhh whut ya hink yer dae-in pal? eeyy?" how embarrassing. Half of them likely struggle to spell their own name because they're so uneducated and uncivilized.

    /rant over :D


    End the Chav disease for the love of mankind! :x
    Certifications: ITIL v3 Foundation, CompTIA Network+
  7. MrNerdy

    MrNerdy Megabyte Poster

    I see this is someone from Aberdeen slagging off Dundee, tut tut.
    Be carefull what you say 'The Leader, Herr Gordon' is a Jock, er i mean a Scotsman.

    And for the record i'm .25 Scotish, but dont know which parts!:biggrin
    Certifications: ECDL, CiscoIT1 & A+
    WIP: Girlfriend & Network+
  8. rax

    rax Megabyte Poster

    I'm also a Scotsman, doesn't stop me slagging the country off. :)
    Certifications: ITIL v3 Foundation, CompTIA Network+
  9. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

    Hey i'm .25 scotish as well and i know which part.. the part of me that hates giving away money for nothing!! :)
    Certifications: Comptia A+, N+, MS 70-271, 70-272
    WIP: Being a BILB,
  10. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    I congratulate the contributors to this thread for a firm social commentary. Can I ask an Admin to move it out of Just For Laughs, into the "shite cities deserve a chance too, you know" forum. Now please, can we get back to some laughs here ??


    An earnest, Ayrshire sibling-marrying Deliverance fan.
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity

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