Quantas fun

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by cazzam35, Feb 24, 2005.

  1. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

    After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a "Gripe Sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that the Quantas ground crews do not have a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    (P= The problem logged by the pilot)

    (S= The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to a more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle lever to stick.

    S: That's what they are there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect your right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Number 3 engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY
  2. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    Ok, I'm calling you on this one. Where did you get it and how credible is the source? :P
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  3. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

    I've already had it pointed out its been on here before.....

    fresh stuff coming shortly, get your mod tools at the ready !
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY

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