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Little Johnny Jokes

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by AJ, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. AJ

    AJ 01000001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01101110 Administrator

    I just love little Johnny jokes so here's a few to be going on with.

    Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
    Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
    "Why not?" His father asked.
    "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

    Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
    "Why?" asks the father.
    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
    "But that's right!"
    "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
    "What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father.
    "That's what I said!"

    Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
    "No," said his mom, "of course not."
    Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

    One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
    "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
    "Excellent, Michael!"
    Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

    More to follow folks :biggrin
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Breathing in and out, but not out and in, that's just wrong
  2. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    As a Jonny minority, I take offence at these jokes.

    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  3. Boycie
    Honorary Member

    Boycie Senior Beer Tester

    I love the simple simon ones too...... :biggrin
    Certifications: MCSA 2003, MCDST, A+, N+, CTT+, MCT
  4. AJ

    AJ 01000001 01100100 01101101 01101001 01101110 Administrator

    I'm sorry Johnny, but just note that the Johnny in question is a different spelling, so it's not about you m8 :oops:

    Anyway try these ones:

    One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
    He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
    Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
    "Well what should we do about this?"
    Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
    Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
    You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."

    The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
    "Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?"
    "On the eraser!" came back the quick reply.

    Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
    Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
    The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
    Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"

    Little Mary was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Mary?"
    "My goldfish died," replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
    The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
    Mary patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Breathing in and out, but not out and in, that's just wrong
  5. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    ROTFLMAO !!! :biggrin
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  6. Clyde

    Clyde Megabyte Poster

    ditto !
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Security+, MCSA, MCSE
  7. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

    hahahahahaha :biggrin
    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)
  8. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    eeeewww! :sick :ymca
    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  9. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    Isn't it amazing to see how kids minds work?:D

    I wonder if we could substitute Jakamoko for Johnny?:biggrin
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685

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