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Joke with editted bad language.

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by the bite, Aug 23, 2006.

  1. the bite

    the bite New Member

    An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.

    Walking down Dean Street, he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

    F__*ing get in there you C*nt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar. "Get the f__*ing manager of this pig*hit middle class w*nkhole please you C*nt", he says to a somewhat startled barman.

    The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. "Can I help you sir?" he says "Yes you can you fat piece of $h*t, I saw your poxy advert in the C*nting window and I'm here to audition......W__ker."

    The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.

    The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, "Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?"

    "That song, you big nosed t_*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the C*nt's blind..."

    "Oh" says the manager...err, can you play me another. Something a little less 'lively'".

    "W__ker" interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad that leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. "That little number was called 'Sometimes when you do a bird up the $h*t box you get cr*p on your bell end'".

    "I see" says the manager, "Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?" "Well there's my jazz number 'Do you want me to split your ringpiece', or there's the epic 'I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs'".

    "Look" says the manager interrupting, "I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little racy.
    I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience".

    "F__k it" says the pianist "Why not".

    On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd is lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.

    During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his load he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.

    After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. "Hi" she says. "Hello" he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your c*_k is hanging out of your trousers and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?"

    Placing his beer confidently on the bar, the pianist grins, looks her square in the eye and yells........... "Know it?" - "I f__king wrote it!!!"
    Certifications: None
    WIP: None
  2. Tyler D

    Tyler D Gigabyte Poster


    Thats a cracker.
    Certifications: A+,70-270
    WIP: 70-290
  3. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    Filthily brilliant !! :biggrin
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  4. zebulebu

    zebulebu Terabyte Poster

    That's genius!
    Certifications: A few
    WIP: None - f*** 'em
  5. drum_dude

    drum_dude Gigabyte Poster

    F*cking great!!
    Certifications: MCSA , N+, A+ ,ITIL V2, MCTS
    WIP: MCITP 2008 Ent Admin, Server Admin, Exchange 2010, Lync 2010, CCNA & VCP5
  6. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)

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