If you're into cars you may like this!!!!

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http://www.audiforums.com/m_693578/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm

words fail me

 

What a complete chisel!

 

Hey, I have a Server 2003 machine that was running very slow, so I downloaded AOL's PC Optimizer and installed it. Now I get this icon of a skull and crossbones that pops us all the time and the word "virus" in big red letters. Our network administrator recommended this as the solution. Is my server ok?

 

We need that guy to join here!!!

I haven't laughed this much since the thing with the donkey

 

what a tit

 

I think my computer is over-heating.
I dont know much about PC's, but my mate has an Apple Mac.
He said to throw some water into the holes in the back to cool it down.
It does not work any more.
My friend has only had an Apple Mac and doesn't deal with PC's.

tw@t!

 

That's an old one, floating around on the car forums. Still, it was crafted rather well!

When I was in the shop, we used to send the new kids to the parts department for a can of compression. Yeah, same thing as muffler bearings. Funny thing is, the old parts guy (that smoked ALL the time) used to empty out a mayo jar, blow smoke into it, and put the lid back on. Then, when a n00b came to the window, he'd hand it over, and the kid would make the walk back to the bay...with everyone rolling. Most kids didn't get it, and some got sent back for a bottle of Form-A-Lobe. Aaahhh...good times

 

Sounds like what we did in the military... sending some guy out for frequency grease (for the radios) and grid squares (for the maps).

 

Reminds me of the time I replaced the water pump on my Corvair.

 

Those sort of things are quite common over here. Send the apprentice for a left handed screw driver, give it to him in your right hand, say "sorry wrong type" and swap hands!
Another is to ask a noob fo a tin of Elbow Grease, a Sky Hook,a tine of polka dot paint etc etc.

One story in teh RAF goes, a guy is called into the team leaders office, give a brown envelope and told to report to the stores. When at the stores the storeman tells the guy he's in the wrong place tha the envelope needs to go to the flt Lt,. He'd then see the Flt Lt only to be told he needs to take the enevelope to the Fairys dept. He'd go there to be sent somewhere else and this would go on for most of teh day, different departments sending him to otehr departments, all the time he'd be carrying this enevlope that no one took of him or even looked at. In the end he'd be sent back to his Chief. The Chief would then say "Where've you been all day, i needed that letter your holding this morning, its got your promotion in it!"

 

An ex-girlfriend whilst work for a large engineering company got phoned up and asked if she had any greased nipples.
She called the guy an effing pervert and slammed the phone down.
20 minutes later he turns up asking where they are.
At this point she is about to deck him for being a perv when it's explained to her what they are.
And after being shown them on a large drill head she understood.

That said after this no one seemed to argue with her at work, most thought she was a bit physco!!

 

Sky hooks are exsisting objects. Ask any mountaineer and he will tell you what they are and how to use them.