Grammar question

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Essential for the future success of the abc is the maintenance of gained data and the further penetration of the abc in the remaining fields of the corporation.

Is there something wrong with this? I can't seem to figure out where/how to add a comma or anything else..

Dave

 

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Only place I can see you might want one is before the 'and'. It breaks up the sentence.

 

Can you change the sentence at all? Personally, I think it would read better to place a comma after 'data', to remove tha 'and', and put an 'as well as' before the 'the, so the sentence would read

Essential for the future success of the abc is the maintenance of gained data, as well as the further penetration of the abc in the remaining fields of the corporation

 

IMHO this sounds better:

"The maintenance of gained data and further penetration in the remaining fields of the corporation is essential for the further success of the ABC"

Tom

 

Sounds like a buncha corporate-speak to me...