Funny joke

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Mandi93453, Feb 4, 2015.

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  1. Mandi93453

    Mandi93453 New Member

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    Q: What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?

    A: Anything you want -- he can't hear you.
     
  2. Mandi93453

    Mandi93453 New Member

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    A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
    So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
    The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
    So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
    One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
    The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
    The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
    ''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
    ''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
    ''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
    The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
    When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
    The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
    The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.
     
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  3. Mandi93453

    Mandi93453 New Member

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    Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

    A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
     
  4. Mandi93453

    Mandi93453 New Member

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    My mother came to the door; 'Lance, get your ass in the house!' I said, 'Oh, Ma, I don't feel like coming in the house!' I didn't even see where the skillet came from. I just staggered into the house. It wasn't even the right house, it was just the first house with the door open.
     
  5. SimonV
    Honorary Member

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    Merged
     
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  6. simonjenkins

    simonjenkins Bit Poster

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    Made me smile on this horribly windy day :)
     
    Certifications: CCNA, CCNP, MCSE, ITIL, CISSP, CEH
  7. Rosanne Eason

    Rosanne Eason Bit Poster

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    Keep on posting please :biggrin
     
  8. JK2447
    Highly Decorated Member Award 500 Likes Award

    JK2447 Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

    And then I saw her face...
     
    Certifications: VCP4, VCP5, VCP6, VCP6.5, BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VSP, VTSP
    WIP: VCAP 6.5 DCV
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  9. Jaron78

    Jaron78 Gigabyte Poster

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    Love this one!
     
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  10. JK2447
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    JK2447 Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    Thanks bro ha ha
     
    Certifications: VCP4, VCP5, VCP6, VCP6.5, BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VSP, VTSP
    WIP: VCAP 6.5 DCV
  11. cindybrawn

    cindybrawn New Member

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    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    The Nicest one I once read on twitter... :D
     
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  12. JK2447
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    JK2447 Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    I went to the the doctor and he said I was a paranoid schizophrenic....... well...... he didn't SAY it but WE KNEW he was thinking it!
     
    Certifications: VCP4, VCP5, VCP6, VCP6.5, BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VSP, VTSP
    WIP: VCAP 6.5 DCV
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  13. Juelz

    Juelz Gigabyte Poster

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    I bad workman always blames his fools...

    sorry typo...I meant *tools- I 've had it up to here with this !"£$%^ing keyboard
     
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  14. JK2447
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    JK2447 Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    I love being bi-polar its crap
     
    Certifications: VCP4, VCP5, VCP6, VCP6.5, BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VSP, VTSP
    WIP: VCAP 6.5 DCV
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  15. Shadowrunner

    Shadowrunner Nibble Poster Premium Member

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    Two snowmen in a field.

    One says to the other: "Can you smell carrots?"
     
    Certifications: GCSE IT
    WIP: VCP6-DCV
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  16. JK2447
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    JK2447 Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    How do you get Pikachu on a bus?
    [​IMG]+[​IMG]

    .... Pokemon :)
     
    Certifications: VCP4, VCP5, VCP6, VCP6.5, BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VSP, VTSP
    WIP: VCAP 6.5 DCV
  17. Truiates

    Truiates New Member

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    Yeah, this is actually very fun! :D
     
  18. Shizuka

    Shizuka New Member

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    hahaha good one!!!
     
  19. JK2447
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    upload_2018-9-14_18-45-26.png
     

    Attached Files:

    Certifications: VCP4, VCP5, VCP6, VCP6.5, BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VSP, VTSP
    WIP: VCAP 6.5 DCV
  20. drum_dude

    drum_dude Gigabyte Poster

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    Ok, mine was a terrible joke lol
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2018
    Certifications: MCP, MCSA 2000 , N+, A+ ,ITIL V2, MCTS, MCITP Lync 2010 & MCSA 2008, Sonus SATP SBC 1k/2k
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