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Dam Beavers

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Raffaz, Jul 12, 2007.

  1. Raffaz

    Raffaz Kebab Lover Gold Member

    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan
    Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response
    is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response

    SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
    that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
    parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/ or
    contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
    maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

    A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
    Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation
    of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
    Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
    sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
    failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
    downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
    hazardous and cannot be permitted.

    The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at
    this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
    removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
    All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a
    follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply
    with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
    result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.


    David L. Price

    District Representative Land and Water Management Division

    ** This is the actual response sent back: **

    Dear Mr. Price,

    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

    Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I
    am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,

    A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing
    and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
    Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
    project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
    use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
    department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
    place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
    ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
    ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam
    work ethic.

    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
    first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
    activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
    discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers? or (2) do you require all
    beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
    Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
    applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if
    there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
    the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
    Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
    Compiled Laws, annotated.

    I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the beavers entitled
    to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute
    and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to
    provide them with a dam lawyer.

    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
    during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural
    occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we
    should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and
    calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
    free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to
    arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
    letter--they being unable to read English.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
    unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
    flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
    Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
    Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
    (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers
    and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated
    enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond
    Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
    your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

    In conclusion, I would l ike to bring to your attention to a real
    environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears
    are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
    persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
    going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not
    careful where they dump!)

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact
    you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam


    Certifications: A+, MCP, MCDST, AutoCAD
    WIP: Rennovating my house
  2. wizard

    wizard Petabyte Poster

    Nice one :D
    Certifications: SIA DS Licence
    WIP: A+ 2009
  3. Theprof

    Theprof Petabyte Poster Premium Member

    Lol it is funny.
    Certifications: A+ | CCA | CCAA | Network+ | MCDST | MCSA | MCP (270, 271, 272, 290, 291) | MCTS (70-662, 70-663) | MCITP:EMA | VCA-DCV/Cloud/WM | VTSP | VCP5-DT | VCP5-DCV
  4. Pady

    Pady Nibble Poster

    love it - do you think he got a reply, and he should have asked for them to write in beaver
    Certifications: A+, See Sig for HW Certs
    WIP: Network+ & MCP 70-270

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