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weight loss

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by moominboy, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    Weight Loss Program For Men

    A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. As he wondered
    how in
    the heck he would ever do that, he ran
    across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS
    PROGRAM.
    "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he
    called
    them up and subscribed to the 3-day / 10 pound weight loss
    program.

    The next day there was a knock on his door, and when he
    answered,
    there stood before him a voluptuous, athletic,
    19-year-old young lady dressed in nothing but air, some Nike
    running
    shoes, and a sign around her neck. She
    introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
    company.
    The sign read, "If you can catch me, you
    can have me!" Without a second thought he took off after her. A
    few
    miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally
    caught her and got the action he was hoping for. After they
    were
    through and she left, he thought to himself, "I
    like the way this company does business!" The same girl showed
    up
    for
    the next two days and the same thing
    happened. On the fourth day, he weighed himself and was
    delighted
    to
    find he had lost 10 lbs. as promised.

    He called the company and ordered their 5-day / 20 pound program.
    The
    next day there was a knock on the door and there stood the most
    stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he had ever seen in his life,
    wearing
    nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that
    read,
    "If you catch me, you can have me." He was out the door after
    her
    like
    a shot. This girl was in excellent shape and it took him a while
    to
    catch
    her, but when he did, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the
    next
    four days, the same routine happened. Much to his delight, on the
    fifth
    day, he weighed himself and found he had lost another 20 lbs, as
    promised.

    He decided to go for broke and called the company to order the
    7-day/
    50
    pound program "Are you sure?" asked the representative on the
    phone.
    "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replied, "I
    haven't
    felt this good in years"

    The next day there was a knock at the door and when he opened it
    he found
    a muscular guy standing ! there wearing
    nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that
    read,



    "If I catch you, you're mine."
     
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  2. Neall

    Neall Byte Poster

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    lol good one m8
     
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  3. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Tell me he wasn't shaven-headed, clutching a male chicken in his hands ....:blink
     
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  4. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    i know it's the wrong thread but it'd look out of place in the other one.

    you have to wonder about that photo, as it is a **** and it looks like a ranking table in the back so is it a gay run, illegal **** fight?

    worrying.......
     
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  5. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    He might be wearing pink running shoes, it's hard to tell.
    It could be a score board, or it could be a menu listing all the foreign ways to cook chicken.
    I've been giving it some thought...
     
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  6. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    maybe a little bit too much thought jonny..... :blink
     
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  7. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    Yeah, my wife thinks so too.
    But it's just too weird!
    I mean, so is it a gay cockfighting thing? Do they have things like that in some countries?
    But someone set that photo up. It's not like someone snapped it with their disposeable camera during the Indonesian annual gay cockfighting championships.
    No.

    Somewhere a photographer said, I know, look, Miguel, we'll oil you up a bit, strip you half naked and give you a chicken to hold. That's right, loosen your trousers a bit. Now look at the chicken so we're not sure if you want to cook it or sh@g it (although the two aren't mutually exclusive).
    Right, excellent.
    SNAP.
    Brilliant, that's exactly the photo we want in order to ....

    WHAT!
    WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?
    Can't you see how perplexing it is?
     
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  8. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    can't believe we're heading for the realms of Pullus Necrophilias,

    cracking reply though jonny, consider my sides well split! :tongue
     
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  9. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    NO WE BLOODY WELL ARE NOT !!!! :eek: :aaah
     
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  10. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Well...the thread *started out* as funny. :sick
     
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  11. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    my bad! :oops:
     
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  12. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    Actually, while we're on the subject of humans and animals captured on film, what's going on here?

    [​IMG]

    Gotta be a caption for this...
    Can I use it for next week's edition of my unpopular competition?
     
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  13. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Only if you want your account to be banned by the human subject in that photo. :blink :oops:
     
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  14. Peter

    Peter Byte Poster

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    Nice 1 M8.
     
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  15. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    I don't even want to KNOW what is going on in his mind ! :blink
     
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  16. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    :biggrin
    Why the change of photo?
    Who's the bunny, what's his/her name?
    We've got a house full of animals here, it's a bit like a zoo.
     
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  17. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    It's my daughter's pet, Blossom, on a rare trip indoors (you can see why from the pic).

    Well, you could see why, before I pulled the pic ! :biggrin
     
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  18. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Ya know, Gav...you look sort of like a young Malcolm McDowell in that pic. :wink:

    [​IMG]
     
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  19. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    yeah, pets are great.
    Except mine eat me out of house and home...
    We've got three cats and a dog.
    We've also got goldfish. We've got a black moor which we called Bruno because he had the big puffy eyes like Frank.
    Over the last year he's turned orange like a regular goldfish, so I've renamed him Michael...

    By the way, I'm really sorry for bringing up the subject of family pets on what may be perceived to be a bit of a dodgy thread.

    I thought it might be nice to change the subject...
    I was feeling a bit queezy!
     
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