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think before you speak

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by SimonV, Mar 1, 2006.

  1. SimonV

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Administrator

    Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
    the last one is great!
    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
    immediately take the words back...
    or that you could crawl into a hole?
    Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
    and asked loudly,
    "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
    I turned around and walked back out and never went back
    My husband didn't say a word...
    he knew better.


    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
    I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
    After browsing for several minutes,
    I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
    Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
    "I think I like playing with men's balls."


    My sister and I were at the mall and
    passed by a store that sold a
    variety of candy and nuts.
    As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
    I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
    My sister started to laugh hysterically.
    The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
    To this day,
    my sister has never let me forget.

    While in line at the bank one afternoon,
    my toddler decided to release
    some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    I was finally able to grab hold of
    her after receiving looks of disgust
    and annoyance from other patrons.
    I told her that if she did not start behaving
    "right now" she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
    voice just as threatening,
    "If you don't let me go right now,
    I will tell Grandma that I saw you
    kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
    Even the tellers stopped
    what they were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity and
    walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
    The last thing I heard when
    the door closed behind me,
    were screams of laughter.


    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
    My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
    and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
    in between errands.
    It was very busy, with a full dining room.
    While enjoying my taco,
    I smelled something funny,
    so of course I checked
    my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
    The realized that Danny
    had not asked to go potty in a while.
    I asked him if he needed to go,
    and he said "No".
    I kept thinking
    "Oh Lord, that child has had an
    accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
    Then I said,
    "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
    "No," he replied.
    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
    because the smell was getting worse.
    Soooooo, I asked one more time,
    "Danny, did you have an accident?"
    This time he jumped up,
    yanked down his pants,
    bent over,
    spread his cheeks
    and yelled
    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
    he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
    An old couple made me feel better,
    thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
    in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
    We had a female news anchor that,
    the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
    turned to the weatherman and asked:
    "So STACY where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
    Certifications: MOS Master 2003, CompTIA A+, MCSA:M, MCSE
    WIP: Keeping CF Alive...
  2. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    Nice way to start out my day. Thanks, Si. :biggrin
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  3. Mr.Cheeks

    Mr.Cheeks 1st ever Gold Member! Gold Member

    Classic! :D
  4. Mr.Cheeks

    Mr.Cheeks 1st ever Gold Member! Gold Member

    Trip, it was 12:55PM when you posted that? What time do you get out of bed!!!
  5. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    Classic Si

    Did you not realise the forum is multinational. lol
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  6. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    I live in the American northwest...seven hours behind you. It was 5:55 a.m. when I posted that. If you look under "location" in my profile...you'll see where I live. :biggrin
    Certifications: A+ and Network+

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