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The value of alcohol

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Jakamoko, Nov 3, 2005.

  1. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
    I feel shame
    Then I look into the glass and think
    about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes

    and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out

    of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say

    to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
    dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

    ~ Jack Handy

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell

    happened to your bra and panties.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they

    wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're

    going to feel all day. "

    ~Frank Sinatra

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
    smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

    ~ Henny Youngman

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

    I think not."

    ~ Stephen Wright

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,

    we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

    When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all

    get drunk and go to heaven!"

    ~ Brian O'Rourke

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants

    us to be happy."
    ~ Benjamin Franklin

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Without question, the greatest invention in the

    history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the

    wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does

    not go nearly as well with pizza."

    ~ Dave Barry

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

    ~
    Dave Howell
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,

    of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

    Here's how it went:


    "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
    can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when

    the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones

    at the back that are killed first This natural selection is

    good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the

    regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the

    slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we

    know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  2. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Oops...mea culpa. I hit "edit" instead of "quote". Sorry. I can't undo it. :oops:
     
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  3. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

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    Now that is a great post :thumbleft
     
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  4. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Well...it was. :(
     
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  5. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Fixed now - think we know who's had a few lemonades tonight then ? :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  6. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    It's only 3 in the afternoon, here. Lemonade hour hasn't even struck yet. :oops:
     
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  7. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    Brilliant stuff Jak.:D
     
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    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  8. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

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    I'll drink to that :alc :morebeer :berrr
     
    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)
  9. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    isn't every hour a lemonade hour?!?
     
    Certifications: ECDL
    WIP: A+

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