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The Old Hollywood Squares

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by tripwire45, Feb 14, 2006.

  1. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    When I was a kid, I used to watch a day-time game show called "Hollywood Squares" (During summer break, of course). There would be a host...in this case, Peter Marshall and two contestants. In a large, three-dimensional "tic tac toe" board sat nine different actors...mostly comedians. The host would ask them a question and one of the actors would answer. The contestants had to decide if the actor was giving the correct answer or making one up.

    In those days, the actors ad libbed quite a bit and frankly, they were hysterical. You may be too young to recognize any of the names, but their answers are great! Enjoy.

    -Trip


    The Old Hollywood Squares "When jocularity was legal!" If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous! Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

    Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

    Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

    Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army

    Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo! "What does this mean? A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

    Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

    Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet

    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.
     
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  2. Jakamoko
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    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Those are fabulous, Trip, but erm - haven't you posted them before ? :oops:
     
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  3. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Not that I recall. :oops:
     
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  4. Gaz 45

    Gaz 45 Kilobyte Poster

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    Doesn't really matter, they're good enough to read through twice! :D
     
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  5. Jakamoko
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    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Agreed !! :biggrin
     
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  6. Bluerinse
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    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

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    Thanks Trip, they are all brilliant examples of American humour :D

    I believe we had a similar thing called Celebrity Squares. I do miss Bob Monkhouse and Les Dawson, they were two amazing stand up comics.
     
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