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Tesco - "Every little helps!"

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Bluerinse, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. Bluerinse
    Honorary Member

    Bluerinse Exabyte Poster

    One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like
    hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"

    "Listen, don't waste your time down at the West Street surgery,"
    replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
    give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong,
    and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five
    quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card

    So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
    He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
    urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
    later, the computer ejects a printout:

    "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
    activity. It will improve in two weeks".

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
    began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
    water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
    daughter and the cat,and masturbated into the mixture for good
    Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
    deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

    The computer printed the following:

    1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
    3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
    get better........

    Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
    Certifications: C&G Electronics - MCSA (W2K) MCSE (W2K)
  2. hbroomhall

    hbroomhall Petabyte Poster Gold Member

    There aren't many of these that make me laugh (i've heard most of them before) but this one..... :biggrin

    Certifications: ECDL A+ Network+ i-Net+
    WIP: Server+
  3. Fergal1982

    Fergal1982 Petabyte Poster

    i like that one. classic
    Certifications: ITIL Foundation; MCTS: Visual Studio Team Foundation Server 2010, Administration
    WIP: None at present
  4. nXPLOSi

    nXPLOSi Terabyte Poster

    Lol, good stuff, like that one :)
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Security+, MCSA 2003 (270, 290, 291), MCTS (640, 642), MCSA 2008
    WIP: MCSA 2012

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