1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Tech Support Joke

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Sparky, Feb 10, 2006.

  1. Sparky
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

    10,189
    296
    319
    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging
    5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate
    ------------------

    Dear Desperate:

    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:
    C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

    WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.

    CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.


    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck,
    Tech Support
    ------------------


    Dear Technical Support,

    18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
    To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
    Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

    I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
    Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

    I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

    Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

    Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab
    93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

    Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

    Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

    Signed,
    Unlucky
    ------------------


    Dear Unlucky:

    C'est la vie!

    Tech Support
    ------------------
     
    Certifications: MSc MCSE MCSA:M MCSA:S MCITP:EA MCTS(x5) Security+ Network+ A+
    WIP: Exchange 2007\2010
  2. arisen

    arisen Byte Poster

    243
    15
    46
    A classic to be sure!
     
    Certifications: BEng, PRINCE2, ITIL, Net+
    WIP: MSc, Linux+ 2009, RHCE
  3. Boycie
    Honorary Member

    Boycie Senior Beer Tester

    6,281
    85
    174
    Belter :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCSA 2003, MCDST, A+, N+, CTT+, MCT
  4. Gaz 45

    Gaz 45 Kilobyte Poster

    404
    4
    39
    Real World computing for definite! Nice one Sparky! :D
     
    Certifications: MCP (70-229, 70-228), MBioch
    WIP: MCDBA (70-290)
  5. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

    5,482
    352
    249
    Found this while snooping around and thought I'd bring it back to the top since its Friday :D
     
    Certifications: BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, VCP4, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VCP5, VCP6-NV
  6. craigie

    craigie Terabyte Poster

    3,020
    173
    155
    Nice one!
     
    Certifications: CCA | CCENT | CCNA | CCNA:S | HP APC | HP ASE | ITILv3 | MCP | MCDST | MCITP: EA | MCTS:Vista | MCTS:Exch '07 | MCSA 2003 | MCSA:M 2003 | MCSA 2008 | MCSE | VCP5-DT | VCP4-DCV | VCP5-DCV | VCAP5-DCA | VCAP5-DCD | VMTSP | VTSP 4 | VTSP 5
  7. Josiahb

    Josiahb Gigabyte Poster

    1,336
    39
    97
    Except of course that its Thursday for the rest of us....

    Still the only time that thread necromancy has made me laugh :p
     
    Certifications: A+, Network+, MCDST, ACA – Mac Integration 10.10
  8. soundian

    soundian Gigabyte Poster

    1,460
    71
    107
    Excellent. That brightened up a dull, rainy day.

    Now, if only I could see the look on JK2447's face when he realises that it's only Thursday.
     
    Certifications: A+, N+,MCDST,MCTS(680), MCP(270, 271, 272), ITILv3F, CCENT
    WIP: Knuckling down at my new job
  9. danielno8

    danielno8 Gigabyte Poster

    1,305
    48
    92
    oh man your gonna have a horrible shock when you realise its only thursday haha
     
    Certifications: CCENT, CCNA
    WIP: CCNP
  10. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

    5,482
    352
    249
    :lol: ah ha ha ha I burst out laughing then. WTF I honestly thought it was Friday! I'm studying too hard! I'd say working too hard but that wouldn't be honest . . . :oops:
     
    Certifications: BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, VCP4, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VCP5, VCP6-NV
  11. soundian

    soundian Gigabyte Poster

    1,460
    71
    107
    Sounds like you should maybe run Beer 6.1 tomorrow night.
    Although I do find that application becomes more unstable the longer I run it and there's definitely a memory leak problem.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2009
    Certifications: A+, N+,MCDST,MCTS(680), MCP(270, 271, 272), ITILv3F, CCENT
    WIP: Knuckling down at my new job
  12. Elhaj

    Elhaj Nibble Poster

    96
    2
    22
    well the laughs will take you up to thursday night, not long to go hey.
    that was funny.:D
     
    Certifications: Bsc Economics, MCDST
    WIP: what's the point?
  13. keshubawa

    keshubawa New Member

    7
    0
    1
    Nice one buddy:eek:
     

Share This Page

Loading...