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Tech Support Calls We All Have Received!

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by tripwire45, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    I ripped this off from Tech-Unity. Absolutely classic:


    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
    Female customer: A white one...


    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
    Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
    Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
    Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


    Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?


    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
    Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
    Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!


    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..


    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


    Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


    Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.


    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
    Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


    And last but not least..

    Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer: I don't have a P.
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: What do you mean?
    Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  2. ffreeloader

    ffreeloader Terabyte Poster

    Hey, I have that same problem. Anyone know how to fix it?
    Certifications: MCSE, MCDBA, CCNA, A+
    WIP: LPIC 1
  3. noelg24

    noelg24 Terabyte Poster

    Trip my man...I have never laughed so much in my life!!! hahaha....that is just simply amazing...ive sent it around at work...mate well done top notch!!! :biggrin...
    Certifications: A+
    WIP: my life
  4. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    I had a good one today:

    CUSTOMER: I can't install this software.
    ME: Have you put the disk in?
    C: Yes.
    ME: So what's happening now?
    C: There's a box on my screen saying 'Do you want to install this software, yes or no'.
    ME: Rrrrrrrrrright, and do you?
    C: Yes, of course!
    ME: Don't click 'no' then.

    And that's true!
    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  5. noelg24

    noelg24 Terabyte Poster

    Classic Jonny...one of my classics at work which I have used as the signature is:

    Me: May I take your product serial number please?
    Customer: Is that the part/model number?
    Me: No the serial number...its eleven digits long and contains numbers and letters.
    Customer: Ok what about M924xxx....
    Me: No thats the part/model number. I need the serial number.

    And believe u me people that can take a long time. but the other way:

    Me: Can I have your serial number please?
    Customer: where can I get it?
    Me: Click on the blue apple on the top left hand corner of your screen. Then about this Mac.
    Customer: Ok.
    Me: underneath MAC OS X. Click on Version twice. (directly underneath this it says Software Update)
    Customer: you mean software update?
    Me: No version please.
    Cust: but it doesnt have a button on version.
    Me. I know, just click on it twice.

    Eventually you get the serial number. However I had a classic today:

    Customer: I want to connect my PC to the airport extreme base station (Apples wireless router) via ethernet as it doesnt have a wireless card in it.
    Me: ok. make sure you have the ethernet cable plugged into the LAN port of the base station and connect the other end in the ethernet port of your PC.
    (fiddling about by the customer for a few seconds)
    Cust: erm..the cable I have plugged into the base station goes into the telephone port and the other end is in the PC.
    Me: excuse me?
    Cust: I have a white cable thats going from the base station to the PC but its in the phone port of the base station.
    Me: No thats the telephone cable for internal modem of the base station. Unless your using dial up you dont need this. Get an ethernet cable.
    Then he realises he only has one ethernet cable that goes from the modem to the base station. so I told him to go out and buy another ethernet cable to connect the PC to the base station. I did feel sorry for him.
    Certifications: A+
    WIP: my life
  6. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

    OK, so it's not totally related, but it takes me back to when I was a student. I used to do telesales (sorry, I needed the cash) for a big finance company.
    The point was, we only called our own customers.
    The problem was, they didn't realize they were customers as many companies and retailers used us for finance. You look in the small print next time you sign something!

    I recall one conversation that went something like:

    ME: Hello, I'm calling from X, as a customer we thought blah blah...
    HIM: I've never heard of you! How did you get my number?
    ME: Well, we're a large finance company. If you've ever taken out a loan, hire purchase, store card etc, you may have used our services.
    HIM: No! I've never done anything like that! Who are you?
    ME: Well, have you bought a new car or something in the last three years?
    HIM: No.
    ME: Do you have a payment contract arrangement, do you pay for anything by installments?
    HIM: No.
    ME: New carpets?
    HIM: No.

    (Skip ahead ten minutes of the same)

    HIM: Well... We did buy a caravan on finance last year. Could it be that?
    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  7. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    I'm sure I may have told this before, but it's worth repeating. It was when I was doing ADSL and dial-up support (among other things) at an ISP.

    I took a call from a very polite but flustered lady who informed me she needed to find out about her connection but our site was down. I asked if there was a problem with her connection, as if so, she couldn't use our website. She got slightly agitated and insisted I tell her about her connection. I asked what kind she had, to which she replied (more flustered) "I don't know - you provide it !! " Thinking this was one of these calls, I drew breath and asked when it last worked and what her username was. Ever-more tense, she snapped "How do I know, I've never used it before, and you haven't given me a username. ". I wondered if this might be a new order and asked when she ordered it. "2 months ago" she replied, "and you already sent confirmation". As I wondered how to tackle this one, she uttered the unforgettable line:

    "For God sake, just tell me when I will be in Prague"

    She had meant to phone Ryanair and called us instead :rolleyes:
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  8. noelg24

    noelg24 Terabyte Poster

    nice one Jak...poor woman...bless her...I do remember a couple calls I had earlier this month, both similar so I will just say one:

    Customer: My son got his iPod for Xmas and now it wont work.
    Me: In what way is not working?
    Cust: well, it was in his trousers when I picked up his clothes. Only after I got it out of the washing machine and tried it that I found it would no longer work.
    Me: when u picked up his trousers didnt you feel the bulk to let you know it had something inside it?
    Cust: no I just picked up all his clothes.
    Me: well I am afraid to say madam, thats not covered under the warranty and you will have to buy a new iPod or claim it on your insurance.
    Cust: Oh, so Apple dont cover this sort of thing?
    Me: No madam, its what we call accidental damage and the warranty does not cover it at all.

    Next time you buy a £200+ iPod for your teenager (or 10yr old!!) make sure they dont leave their iPods lying around in their clothes.
    Certifications: A+
    WIP: my life
  9. Missy

    Missy Byte Poster

    Hi All just visiting .....Very good all!!!! had a good laugh ....
    Certifications: 15 credits NOCN Art and Design,Portrait.
    WIP: NOCN in Art and Design Advanced
  10. noelg24

    noelg24 Terabyte Poster

    hmmm...just had an idea...maybe all iPods should come with a warning: DO NOT SELL TO KIDS UNDER 21!!! AND MAKE SURE MOTHERS DONT PUT THEM IN WASHING MACHINES!!! that should do it I think...altho most 18-20yr olds will also be sensible...but best to say 21!! u never know eh! hehe...I could be in for it now!!!
    Certifications: A+
    WIP: my life
  11. damienj3

    damienj3 Byte Poster

    Heres some more i found on nitlc student net.
    Overheard in a computer shop:
    Customer: "I'd like a mouse pad, please."
    Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
    Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

    I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document
    back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to
    keep it.

    Customer: "Can you copy the internet for me onto this diskette?"

    I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go
    something like this:
    Customer: "Hi... Is this the internet?"

    Some people pay for their online services with check made payable to
    "The Internet."

    Customer: "So, that will get me connected to the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Yeah."
    Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Uhh... uh... uh...yeah."

    Customer: "My computer crashed!"
    Tech Support: "It crashed?"
    Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game..."
    Tech Support: "All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it."
    Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed!"
    Tech Support: "Huh?"
    Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before! I crashed
    the spaceship, and now it doesn't work."
    Tech Support: Click on "File", then "New Game".
    Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
    Certifications: mcse
    WIP: MCSE 2003
  12. noelg24

    noelg24 Terabyte Poster

    you gotta love tech support..:biggrin
    Certifications: A+
    WIP: my life
  13. Gaz 45

    Gaz 45 Kilobyte Poster

    I love it when we get Service requests simply stating 'The Internet is down' - What? All of it? :D

    Then there's always last Monday, when I walked into work to find 470,000 emails in the helpdesk inbox. :blink (It's getting better, there were only 25,000 this Monday).

    And everything, but everything is called 'the system'.
    Certifications: MCP (70-229, 70-228), MBioch
    WIP: MCDBA (70-290)

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