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Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by cazzam35, Jul 4, 2006.

  1. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

    I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY
  2. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

    Ha ha , been wetting myself over that lol. It reminds me of a gorilla joke, ill explain.

    A man and his wife goes to the zoo, they are both wandering round looking at all the animals and are enjoying themselves. They come to the gorrilla section. The gorilla takes a shine to the woman and the man picks up on this, "here love blow him a kiss", the wife looks puzzled but nethertheless she blows the gorilla a kiss. The gorilla looks and cant believe his luck, the man say to his wife "now rub your breasts and provocatively , stick your finger in your mouth". The wife does this and the gorilla starts to get even more excited . The man says to his wife , "now take your skirt off and play with your self and flash your breasts at him, the wife who is loving this dfoes so, and the gorilla is practically beating his chest in major excitement, the man then grabs his wife and throws her in the gorillas cage and shouts " now try and tell him youve got a fcuking headache".

    Hoper that was worth the wait lol
    Certifications: BSc computing and information systems
    WIP: 70-680

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