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Rejecting A Colleague's Advances

Discussion in 'The Lounge - Off Topic' started by Ce127, Jan 4, 2016.

  1. Ce127

    Ce127 Nibble Poster

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    No, my dear friends, this is not a tale of turning down affections from a saucy blonde in HR, but thank you for presuming that would be my predicament :p

    As functioning adults in the modern world, we are taught to be tolerant towards a varying range of personalities, right, and to be polite to colleagues and people, even if you dislike them (at least I'd hope that's the case for everyone here).

    So I am leaving my job in a month.
    I have a colleague who is moving to my home town a month or 2 later. He is very keen on meeting up with me so I can show him around the local bars and pubs, as he has mentioned several times in the last 11 months.

    To put it diplomatically - I find him to be a awkward and a completely f***ing annoying cockwomble, who has already wasted enough hours of my life by invading multiple lunch hours where I am too polite to tell him "This is MY TIME!"

    So when my departure is announced in a few days time, it's a matter of time before he's all "We'll have to meet up for a few pintz when I move to Parts Unknown". HOW do I make it clear that a) No and b) Never afterwards either.

    I am toying with playing the sociopathic role for this one transaction and saying "Well I can't stand you, so that isn't ever happening".....but that's just really against my better nature as a non-confrontational type
     
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  2. Juelz

    Juelz Gigabyte Poster

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    He could be socially awkward and just want to try and make friends... perhaps give him a chance?
     
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  3. dmarsh

    dmarsh Terabyte Poster

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    Just make polite excuses, no need to ever see people you don't want to outside of work. If they don't have your personal email or telephone then they can't hassle you

    Tell them you've gone raw, vegan, caveman diet, and you now only drink water and do yoga.
     
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  4. Sparky
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

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    Change your number :)
     
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  5. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

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    Well as everyone is saying, be polite etc. But hes moving near to you as well, is he going to make a point of finding out where you live?

    Im sure you dont want that. I think you should be straight to the point with him, just say, look I dont want to meet up outside of work, especially when I leave. Then if he starts to argue the toss or doesnt understand, then all bets are off and you need to revert to your 'cockwomble' stance.

    Ed
     
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  6. Sparky
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    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

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    Just avoid his calls etc. he will soon get the message. :)
     
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  7. Apexes

    Apexes Gigabyte Poster

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    Damn, i was hoping for the HR story.

    Know all too well about this, I've ignored someone before and eventually they left me alone. there's very few people i don't get on with, but this one was annoying, hence the ignore.
     
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  8. Ce127

    Ce127 Nibble Poster

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    Oh mann, don't rephrase it like that, then it turns me into a villain :(.
    Thing is, he is social and does talk to lots of people, constantly, whether it's professional or not. If he does genuinely have a social disorder and after the last 11 months cannot recognise that he and I have no social chemistry and 0 in common, then spending time with him would be more harmful, as he continues to mistake my politeness with a genuine rapport.

    Think I will go with the majority vote and try to politely let him down gently. My town is too small to avoid him forever (damn you, Asda/Tesco!) and thus could do with out another face to fear passing in public.
     
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  9. Juelz

    Juelz Gigabyte Poster

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    I see what you mean its just, I find that these people are really sensitive.. you letting him down will be a blow to him he will probably go home and cry for several hours. But you gotta do what's best for you, I guess he's not your responsibility.
     
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  10. Sparky
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    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

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    Just ignore the lad - simple!

    For the love of God don't let him down gently - that will not go well.
     
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  11. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

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    Sounds like a bit of a pain. I'd be tempted to say something like, tbh I don't go out all that much so I wouldn't know where was good anymore. TripAdvisor would know better than me (insert ha ha). I'd possibly play the modest angle. Feign a lack of local knowledge. Maybe throw in, all the places I used to go are shut now etc.

    Speaking from my own experience, every time I go into my city center it's changed, I really don't know where the cool places are anymore ha ha
     
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  12. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

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    If he says you can rediscover them together id say I was much too boring these days. A glass of wine and your kindle is more your style these days. Leave him no room to participate while not crushing him should you eventually cross paths running in for bread and milk :)
     
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  13. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

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    I suppose it's a bit devious as you might be a socialite but what ever works. You don't owe him anything including an accurate description of what you like to get up to
     
    Certifications: BSc (Hons), HND IT, HND Computing, ITIL-F, MBCS CITP, MCP (270,290,291,293,294,298,299,410,411,412) MCTS (401,620,624,652) MCSA:Security, MCSE: Security, Security+, CPTS, VCP4, CCA (XenApp6.5), MCSA 2012, VCP5, VCP6-NV
  14. SimonD

    SimonD Terabyte Poster Moderator

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    Just tell him you're washing your hair, taking the cat to the vet, doing the shopping etc. Eventually he will get the hint.

    Failing that you could do the HR thing and hit on him when you do go out, scare the cr*p out of him and tell him you really couldn't hold back and now that you're not working there you have to let your feelings be known (unless of course you feel he could return your kiss in which case things could turn in to a PITA :gun:)
     
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  15. garycul

    garycul Nibble Poster

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    tell him you've got two tickets for the latest movie at the local cinema followed by an intimate meal in a cozy restaurant followed by drinks at your place til the early hours. That should get rid of him. If he jumps for joy and says "I can't wait" then you are in big trouble !!!
     
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  16. Ce127

    Ce127 Nibble Poster

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    I'm glad to see my social predicament has brought out the highest creative sides of our members :D
     
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  17. SimonD

    SimonD Terabyte Poster Moderator

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    YOLO mate, you may even enjoy it :ahhaha:
     
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  18. stalemate

    stalemate Bit Poster

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    For the refusal to hang out part: clearly enunciate to him that you are having difficulty with following through with that request, as you are no longer drinking alcohol. Make sure you are sipping from a pint as you say this, or if done via social networking post pictures of yourself partying like it's 1999 shortly thereafter.

    But more seriously: there is nothing wrong with telling the guy that you'd prefer to keep your work life and personal life separate. The message is passed and unless he insists there's no actual need to confront him directly by stating you just plumb don't like him as a friend.

    I've had go to that extreme last year with someone with whom I was helping with charitable events. My wife had been friends with his girlfriend for years before I met him and got involved in his charity events (offering tech support, networking setup, event security, etc.) so frequent social activities took place before I finally just told her I wasn't going to subject myself to his presence anymore.

    The blatant prejudice, racism and even linguicism he displayed were just not something I could deal with any longer and I flat out refused to associate with him.

    Your case doesn't appear to be that extreme, so there may be a long term advantage to, say, keeping in touch via LinkedIn or FB, for the sake of preserving your professional network / reputation without having to stay all Lethal Weapon buddy™ with him.
     
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  19. Techie007

    Techie007 New Member

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    When I read the title on this, I was a bit disappointed when I started reading ! I'm personally a bit soft myself, and generally will do anything to avoid an argument. One further suggestion could be something along the lines of, "You don't want to be going around with me, I'm a bit on the boring side.....", but be laughing when you say it. Of course there might be a problem if he just happens to bump into you, when you do happen to be out socialising....... how you deal with that one, not sure (considering he's going to be living in your area). You'd have to have a comeback if he ever happened to bump into you.
     
  20. zxspectrum

    zxspectrum Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

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    I have been thinking about this and have a solution

    I have this shitty stick that i usually use to beat the women off with. Pass me your address and ill send it your way, free of charge for a fellow CF'er etc

    Ed
     
    Certifications: BSc computing and information systems
    WIP: 70-680

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