Once upon a time

Oh man! Ad-blocking software has been detected! :'(

This website is run by the community, for the community... and it needs advertisements in order to keep running. Blocking our ads means your killing our stats!
Please disable your ad-block, or become a premium member to hide all advertisements and this notice.

...set the co-ordinates for ...

Nelix, Inc. Cookie Masters of the Empire

For it was a well known fact that Nelix, Inc. (ye, ye, and the rest) were an evil dictatorship, known galaxy-wide for the mass purveying of (albeit quality) Cookies, until the infamous Darth Kipling launched his exceedingly successful campaign in the late 20th Century.

Ever since, Doctor (as he had then decided to become) Nelix had decided that the only answer was to create a new, unheard of super-cookie, one that only a big dumb Armadillo would find appealing.

But, when Jakamoko inserted this super-cookie into his inter-planetary CD-ROM drive ........

 

Oh man! Ad-blocking software has been detected! :'(

This website is run by the community, for the community... and it needs advertisements in order to keep running. Blocking our ads means your killing our stats!
Please disable your ad-block, or become a premium member to hide all advertisements and this notice.

..................BOOM..................

His PC blew up..... What now......He picked up the phone and called his mum and she said.........

 

"How many times have i told you not to put food into the computer, i mean, you know how many 'bytes' it takes to eat it"............But mam, i used the inverted insertion with dongle security connectivity method for restoration facilities......it should have worked.................WHY MICROSOFT,.....WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

After a swift crack around the ears, my Mum cafuffled around the machine with a tea-towel.

Two minutes, 5 super-cookies, a de-frag, and a quick check in "Jaks Documents" for rude pics later, she called me back down from my penthouse burrow.

When I opened the door, I couldn't believe my eyes, my heart filled with joy.

There before me was ..................

 

...sitting on the table was a nice new shiny cooling fan with integrated hi-fi stereo tuner. Jak plugged it in, turned it on and sat back .....sssssss"number 42 ca.."
At that moment the door burst into a thousand splintered fragments and in marched the Group Policy Editors and said....

 

"RETURN WHAT YOU HAVE STOLEN"............

"but it wasnt me" said Jakamoko....."I got it from"......

 

..the very first CertForums.co.uk Annual Spacecraft Boot Sale (last Sunday every month, down the local Datasphere, come early !)

...and with that, Jak engaged his pocket "Armadillo -> TCP/IP packet Transmogrifier", jumped down the RJ45 port and torched the Cat5 cable in his wake, thus evading the Group Policy Police forever :P

When he emerged through the Network Interface Card (can you tell what bit of the course I'm on right now ???), he found he was in .....

 

BIG TROUBLE...........he had landed in pit of snakes as he tried to way up the situation he saw one of the snakes heading his way, he.........

 

...sobbed like a baby , waved his arms in the air and shrieked for his friend ~SimonV~ to save him all over again. Only ~SimonV~ was busy......

 

...completeing his latest knitting project, a lovely purple angora cardigan, and nothing could drag him away from that, so....

 

while writing Japanese poetry and contemplating the origin of the universe. In a particularly intense moment of enlightenment, he realized that he was wearing a garter belt and high-heels. He found this puzzling because he distinctly remembered donning a pair of overalls and a atraw hat earlier in the day. This caused him to further contemplate...

 

..whether or not his friendship with Jakamoko (now whimpering like a baby and still surrounded by snakes) was really such a good idea. He pondered for a second and then ............

 

...Jak got up from his nap, and promptly kicked SimonV's pile of home-made "slinky-snakes" (made by stripping the wires from old IDE cables) to one side.

..."Jeez", the Jak thought, "I really must leave that Absinthe alone of a weekend"

Still, with his two loyal s, Rosy and Kelly, Jak realised that the new force to be reckoned with was ...

 

Oh, come on you lot ..............

 

None other than

 

the one the only......

 

Master of disguise.........

 

Lord of elusions.........

 

<marquee> </marquee>

 

Jak awoke with an incredibly dull head, after the CertForums 3-Month Anniversary Bash, with nothing but a distant recollection of some ridiculous tale he'd heard the night before

After a full, nutritious breakfast of ants and grubs (Mum J always said insects-inside keep the bugs away !), Jak headed off upon his tour of the local cyber-plains, where upon he encountered something never before seen by the eyes of man nor beast

There, glistening in the sun, was a single black monolith, 50 feet high, and emitting an ominous, gut-wrenching rumble. Could this finally be the Holy Grail, the Mary Celeste, the Lord Lucan of networking ???

Jak approached cautiously, yet curiously, hoping he really HAD finally found the CertForums Server. When he reached the towering infernal racket ....................