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Mother Taught Me

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by nugget, Nov 3, 2005.

  1. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

    My mother taught me RELIGION -
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    My mother taught me LOGIC -
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    My Mother taught me more LOGIC -
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    My mother taught me IRONY -
    "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

    My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

    My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST -
    "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

    My mother taught me about STAMINA -
    "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

    My mother taught me about WEATHER -
    "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

    My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
    "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

    My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
    "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

    My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    My mother taught me about ENVY -
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

    My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -
    "Just wait until we get home."

    My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
    "You are going to get it when we get home!"

    My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

    My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
    "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

    My Mother taught me ESP -
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

    My mother taught me HUMOR -
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
    "You're just like your father."

    My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
    "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
    "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

    And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -
    "One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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  2. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    anohr quality thread nugg!
    Certifications: ECDL
    WIP: A+

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