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MEN ONLY - MAY OFFEND WOMEN, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by cazzam35, Feb 14, 2007.

  1. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
    Now here from are the rules the male side.


    These are our rules:
    •Please note... these are all number "1"


    Breasts are for looking at and that is it why we do it. Don't try to change that.


    Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


    Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
    changing of the tides. Let it be.


    Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
    going think it that way.


    Crying is blackmail.


    Ask for what you want. Let us be clear this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    JUST SAY IT!


    ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly
    acceptable answers to almost
    every question


    Come to us with a problem only if
    you help solving it That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what
    your girlfriends are for


    A headache that lasts for 17
    months is a problem See a Doctor


    Anything we said 6 months ago is
    inadmissible in an argument In fact,
    all comments become null and void after 7 days


    If you think you're fat, you
    probably are are. Don't ask us


    If something we said can be
    interpreted ways two ways, and one of
    the ways makes you sad or angry,
    we meant the other one


    You can either ask us to do
    something or tell us how want it done
    Not both
    If you already know best how to
    do it, just do it yourself


    Whenever possible, please say
    whatever you have to say during
    commercials.


    Christopher Columbus did not
    need directions and do neither do we.



    ALL men see in only 16 colours,
    like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
    a colour.
    Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is



    If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.


    If we ask what is wrong and you
    say "nothing " we will act like
    nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle



    If you ask a question you don't
    want an answer to , expect an
    answer you don't want to hear


    When we have to go somewhere,
    anything you wear is absolutely fine, Really


    Don't ask us what we're thinking
    unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
    Sex,
    Sport or
    Cars


    You have enough clothes


    You have too many shoes


    I am in shape. Round is a shape.


    Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
    know have sleep on the couch tonight,
    but did you know
    men really don't mind that, it's
    like camping.


    Pass this to as many men as you
    can -to give them a laugh.


    Pass this to as many women as
    you can - to give them an education




     
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY
  2. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

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    To all the guys on here who have known me,
    and whats happened in my past over past
    few years:

    I'm getting married on Saturday!
    Just thought I'd share that with ya'll

    Party time :alc
     
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY
  3. supag33k

    supag33k Kilobyte Poster

    461
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    Yes and then little people possibly...that will change your POV

    [evil, manic laff] :blink :biggrin :twisted: :eek:
     
    Certifications: MCSE (NT4/2000/2003/Messaging), MCDBA
    WIP: CCNA, MCTS SQL, Exchange & Security stuff
  4. cazzam35

    cazzam35 Kilobyte Poster

    445
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    proposed to her in November last year, then on way out to
    work about 4 weeks ago she showed me this little gizmo
    thingy with a little pink line on it ( shocked but pleased)

    so little people already on the way, another little me lol !

    So i've stopped looking for my perfect Subaru now, and looking
    through the Volvo / Ford Galaxy section lmao
     
    Certifications: currently doing A+/MCSE
    WIP: Curr/Supervisor/Duty Mgr/Retail DIY
  5. supag33k

    supag33k Kilobyte Poster

    461
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    Congratulations all the best with the special day and the new [first] addition!!
     
    Certifications: MCSE (NT4/2000/2003/Messaging), MCDBA
    WIP: CCNA, MCTS SQL, Exchange & Security stuff
  6. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

    19,136
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    Major congrats! Twice!
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  7. simongrahamuk
    Honorary Member

    simongrahamuk Hmmmmmmm?

    6,199
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    Big Congrats Cazz! :biggrin
     
  8. Raffaz

    Raffaz Kebab Lover Gold Member

    2,976
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    Nice one mate, congrats :)
     
    Certifications: A+, MCP, MCDST, AutoCAD
    WIP: Rennovating my house
  9. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    6,773
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    Hey nice one mate, pleased everything is looking Rosy (or is that pink :blink)
     
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  10. Headache

    Headache Gigabyte Poster

    1,092
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    Mauve.
     
    Certifications: CCNA
    WIP: CCNP

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