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Memories From Court

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by AJ, May 7, 2004.

  1. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

    Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

    1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

    2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

    3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

    4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

    5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

    6. "Did he kill you?"

    7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

    8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

    9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

    10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

    11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "How many were boys?"
    A: "None."
    Q: "Were there any girls?"

    12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

    13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: "I went to Europe, sir."
    Q: "And you took your new wife?"

    14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
    A: "By death."
    Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

    15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
    A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
    Q: "Was this a male or female?"

    16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
    A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

    17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

    18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
    A: "Oral."

    19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
    A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
    Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
    A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

    20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
    A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

    21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
    A: "I have been since early childhood."

    22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
    A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

    And they protect our rights :? :wink: :eek:
    Certifications: MCSE, MCSA (messaging), ITIL Foundation v3
    WIP: Looking at doing ..................
  2. SimonV

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Administrator

    He he funny AJ :D
    Certifications: MOS Master 2003, CompTIA A+, MCSA:M, MCSE
    WIP: Keeping CF Alive...
  3. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

    LOL :lol: :D Thats brightened up my day so far - thanks AJ :thumbleft
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  4. Phoenix
    Honorary Member

    Phoenix 53656e696f7220 4d6f64

    who on earth told you lawyers protect our rights?
    Certifications: MCSE, MCITP, VCP
    WIP: > 0
  5. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

    Number 22 must be a true story.[​IMG]
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  6. mattwest

    mattwest Megabyte Poster

    I agree no. 22 is quality! :D
    Certifications: See my signature...
    WIP: Maybe re-certify my CCNA
  7. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

    I've heard No. 22 before. I tend to believe it's true...but then I believe all of them are. I've been to court before (part of a requirement for a previous job) and you wouldn't believe the stuff that goes on there. :lol:
    Certifications: A+ and Network+

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