management speak

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Hi all,

Just having a think about all those lovely management buzz words. (im sure its to make up for the fact that they dont actually know what they are talking about). heres a short list of buzz words that imediately get my teeth grinding!

Blue Sky Thinking
Helicopter View
Out of the Box Thinking

Im sure there are many others but just those 3 have sent my iritation levels rising, which ones do it for you?

 

My biggest irritations?

paradigm
leverage

Harry.

 

Would have to be:

"The elephant in the room"
"Buying into the experience" (As in "we need users to buy into the experience")
"Doable Accomplishments" (That might just be one made up by my old boss!)
Another of his was (this is a paraphrase but one he put into several emails) "we need to use a collegiate format to enable us to accomplish this task"

Sorry if that granting sound is putting you off, it's just my teeth.

 

I used to work in advertising and heard some classics, I still get some now, they are more catchphrases than words. The one that made me want to poke someone's eyes out the most was a chap at the agency going over a few creative ideas, who came up with

"I'm not too sure about this idea. Lets raise the anchor on this one and let it drift"

Other phrases I can't stand are

Touch base

Singing from the same hymn sheet

And my favourite all-time one is when people say something like:

"I just wanted to talk to you re: the Fisher account..."

You are not a f**king text message and it won't cost you any more to say the word 'regarding', grow up

 

'synergy' is my worst one. I used to have a boss who liked dropping it into sentences. I felt like hitting him every time he did.

 

Giving 110%. Whose 10% are you stealing, ya thief?

 

I'd like to take a 30,000 foot view of this post.

 

- Bandwidth & Cycles

Drives me nuts when management (especially the ones that have nothing to do with IT, like Accountants and Lawyers) say their teams don’t have the bandwidth or cycles for …

By the way, why is the network slow?

 

"Blame-storming" - genius !!!

Buzzwords finally parodying buzzwords


And when PC takes over, and you can't say "brain-storming", because you may offend those with mental health issues, it becomes a "thought-shower" ... I can't help thinking I hope the CF content filter is working, cos these f***ing tulip-clucking bankers can miss my pass and chuck my pick !!!


</rant>

 

There are two terms that I've heard before which I find kind of funny,

1. Tunnel vision (I guess it's more funny when you see your bosses expression, at least to me it is.)
2. It's "Cost effective" not cheaper!