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IT Joke

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Lofty, Feb 16, 2011.

  1. Lofty

    Lofty New Member

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    Hi all, I came across this joke you all might find funny.....

    Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

    In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed, Desperate

    .................................................................................................


    Dear Desperate,

    First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
    Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

    In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

    Good Luck,
    Tech Support

    :p
     
  2. Apexes

    Apexes Gigabyte Poster

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    haha, have seen this one a while back but still makes me chuckle
     
    Certifications: 70-243 MCTS: ConfigMgr 2012 | MCSE: Private Cloud
  3. Mariusz

    Mariusz Byte Poster

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    Upgrading to Wife 1.0

    Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0
    and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for
    other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also
    spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable
    resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in
    the product documentation, though other users have informed me that
    this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

    Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched
    at system initialization where it can monitor all other system
    activity. Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3 , Bachelor Party
    2.5, and Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all,
    causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps
    worked fine before).

    Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of
    undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law
    Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with
    each passing day.

    Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

    * A "don't remind me again" button.
    * Minimize button.
    * Ability to delete the "headache" file
    * An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0
    version without loss loss of other system resources.
    * An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode"
    allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more
    useful/effective.

    I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated
    with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I
    have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0
    on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first,
    otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over
    shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a
    long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that
    explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

    To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0
    doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application
    in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of
    Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of
    upgrading to Wife 1.0!

    VIRUS ALERT

    All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If
    you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
    will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that
    happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient
    resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try
    installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any
    file transfer applications(such as Laplink) between the two systems.
     
    Certifications: ECDL Extra, ITQ Lvl2, CompTIA A+, N+, S+
    WIP: MCTS 70-680 Win7
  4. Megan

    Megan New Member

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    Haha that is very funny, many elements of truth as well! :p
     
  5. Kopite_21

    Kopite_21 Gigabyte Poster Premium Member

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    YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN...

    • Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
    • You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
    • All of your friends have an @ in their names.
    • You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Excite.
    • You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
    • You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
    • The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
    • You forget what year it is.
    • You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
     
    Certifications: National Diploma IT Advanced ECDL
    WIP: A+
  6. dales

    dales Gigabyte Poster

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    Sounds like one from the dial up days, are excite even still going!? off to google to find out!
     
    Certifications: vExpert 2014+2015+2016,VCP-DT,CCE-V, CCE-AD, CCP-AD, CCEE, CCAA XenApp, CCA Netscaler, XenApp 6.5, XenDesktop 5 & Xenserver 6,VCP3+5,VTSP,MCSA MCDST MCP A+ ITIL F
    WIP: Nothing
  7. jamesclimax

    jamesclimax Nibble Poster

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    got an extended version -

    18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playb*y 6.9.
    Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
    I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeS+xPlus and Cleanhouse 2003. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every sixth week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Porsche911 or MercedesEstate hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.
    Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2004, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2004, it tends to delete all of Money before uninstalling itself.
     
    Certifications: MCP, MCDST, MCTS
    WIP: MCTS 70-659, Oracle, SQL, ITIL
  8. Alexbrown012

    Alexbrown012 New Member

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    Comprehending IT professionals - Take Five
    An IT professional was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The IT professional took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the IT professional took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The IT professional said, "Look I'm an IT professional. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
     

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